absolute insanity!

as you probably gathered from meemer's blog, my parents are moving out of state. this was a huge shock to everyone who has known them during the 34 years they have lived in their house!

think back to the last time you moved. (probably much more recently) and picture the process. particularly the amount of crap you have to sort through. magnify that by 34 years. yeah, it's ugly.

in many ways, if you just dropped in, you'd think my parents had died. everyone trying to decide what we should keep, what we should give to charity, and what we should junk. in some ways, it's worse than after the owners die, because they remember all the stories and experiences tied to each little thing that has sat un-used on a shelf or in a box for 30+ of the 34 years. or they remember what they paid for it. or their rearing by parents who survived the great depression kicks in. something makes it difficult to let anything go. they then resort to asking what everyone else thinks, but still have a hard time letting go.

i understand. i inherited many of these pack-rat tendencies. luckily i have moved a few times in the 9+ years i have been married. it's hard to do, but if you don't or haven't used it in the last 5 years, what are the odds you are going to use it in the future? if it's not some heirloom, what good is it doing you lying forgotten in the basement? this saga has been going on since the yardsale fiasco of last fall! (more of the disagreement over what to sell, keep, or save, and even more disagreement on price! "they offered $10, i think you should take it." "i don't know, i think it's worth more than that..." so we hold out, and end up just giving it to the local thrift store!!!)

if my parents would just step up, take responsibility, and say: "keep this, junk that, thrift this, etc." without all the time spent justifying decisions, or strolling down memory lane, this choice process could have been finished days ago! it's not any easier for us to decide! when you ask us, you can't get upset if we don't see the value or nostalgia you do! your stuff, your decision!

i won't even go into the whole emotional side of this move. ("we're so glad you never moved away!" followed by "we changed plans, we're not moving to the northwest, we're moving to the southwest!") meemer described most of that in her blog...

i don't want to touch the food storage either! let's just say there is a lot of food that varies from expired last month to older than my wife! while not all of it can kill me, it certainly won't do me much good nutritionally. plus, the thought of food that old, is less than appetizing. i know there is a lot of food. i know it cost you a lot of money and planning over a lot of years. i know you sincerely desire to help us out. how can i refuse expired food without hurting your feelings?

i don't think i'll say much about the unsupervised grandchildren running wild, getting in the way, making huge messes in the house and yard, and beating the tar out of each other. i mean, i can't point fingers. my boys were right in the thick of it. often contributing to the chaos, and always contributing to the noise! of course it was my 3-year-old that was having his face ground into the carpet under the air mattress as his cousins were jumping on it... he was also tackled by a much bigger cousing... i know he's aggressive, but he was pretty upset about his sore arm on the way home.

the big thing i wanted to address, is the complete inability for my family to make, or stick to, a plan. as frustrating as this is, i grew up with it, so it shouldn't bother me, right? well, there are in-laws who don't get it, and those of us who were always frustrated by it, and now there is the battle among my siblings and i that this whole debacle caused.

namely, i have sisters from two other states here to help with the move. we have my other sister who lives here, who has been doing all she can despite being 31 weeks or so pregnant with twins. then we have my brother who lives 2 hours away who goes to school and works 2 jobs, and me who has a new baby and a job. (neither of us are on vacation right now...) add to the mix, a timeframe that changes daily (or even more frequently) but without communication to me. it leads to questions like the one i got to night: "everybody's been over here working from 7am to midnight, most everything is packed, and the trucks mostly loaded, and where are big d and his brother the last two days?"

let me just say, that i am honestly not angry with my brother in law for this question. i'm sure were roles reversed, i would be asking the same thing. i actually applaud him for being honest rather than sniping behind my back like everyone else. i explained: "the last thing i heard was were were getting the truck friday, and doing most of the loading on saturday, when we have other family in town too. i was working until 10:30p on thursday (and i had told them i would be), and we got here as soon as we could tonight." now i find that they got the truck on thursday, and did most of the loading that night. if i had known about the change, i may have been able to beg off of staff meeting today to help more, but i didn't know. i was still expecting to spend most of saturday loading the truck.

as for the sorting, packing, and other work. no one asked if i could get time off work to help with that. when i asked what was going on, i was told that they were just going through stuff, but that it was going well. naturally, i felt a little guilty, that so many were there helping, but they are here on vacation, and i'm still going about my daily routine.

maybe it's a good thing they didn't ask if i could come over, or tell me that the schedule had changed. it would have been just like today. me wandering around moving a few things, throwing a few things away, and piling things up for the thrift store, all the while feeling lost, and getting frustrated by the lack of decision making by my parents. they would all get mad at me, and wish i wasn't there. (after all, to acknowledge any fault, imperfection, or minor frustration with my parents is a cardinal sin!)

of course after this post they'll probably think that anyway. what they don't realize, is that it's because i love them so much, i am so frustrated. this move hurts more than i can admit. it hurts, that people are accusing others of not helping. the fact that the move itself is happening hurts. i have put off, and denied it for so long, but now that the truck is full, and the house nearly empty, i can't avoid it any longer. my out of state sisters chose to move away. i was told how wonderful it was that we stayed. yet now they choose to leave. which is their right, and i truly do support them. seriously, i do. if someone honestly feels that they are doing the right thing, then i support them regardless of my personal feelings. that doesn't mean my feelings are wrong, because they are real. it doesn't mean my hurt is their fault, or that they should feel guilty for it. but it doesn't mean that i have to hide or lie about my feelings either.

i've said too much, so travel safely, and good luck in your new home! i hope all goes well, and is rewarding and enjoyable. i'm sorry i have responded so badly to these past few days, and i hope everyone can forgive me in time.