finally! he's three! (already?!?)

three years ago we were blessed with one of the most wonderful and amazing experiences a family can have! just before one in the morning, i ran to wake up big h, and bring him into our bedroom where my beautiful wife was about to give birth to our second child.

yes, we had him at home. yes, it was planned that way. no, we're not crazy. (i think reasons, and rationale would be another post...)

we had a good experience with big h too. it was in the hospital, but completely natural. for our second time around, we had done some more research, found a great midwife, and felt inspired to try a home birth. it is a much different experience. instead of foreign surroundings, strange noises, and busy stranges, we enjoyed the comfort of home, quiet conversation, and the company of our experienced midwife, and two excited (if nervous) grandma's.

well, to keep a long, but beautiful story short, we all enjoyed the thrill of a new life entering the world, and our family. the spirit world seldom feels as near, as when the miracle of life is being witnessed. it was truly an amazing, spiritual, family bonding event. the memories are so strong and so sweet, i can scarcely believe it has been three years already! (on the other hand, sometimes big c acts like a full-on teenager.) for another perspective, and for more pix, including from earlier in big c's life, check out meemer's world!


well, the years have flown by. they have been filled with fun. following standard procedure, we learned a lot from our first child. (as the firstborn myself, i know all about the experimentation that goes on...) we promised that instead of looking forward to each new first, as we did with big h, we would enjoy the phase that big c was in. by and large we have done that.


whether or not that mindset contributed to his being spoiled or not, i can't say. i can say he has been spoiled. he is the youngest, and therefore just naturally gets spoiled. yes, big h has more pictures, but had to put up with more first-time-parent anxiety. big c has had it good.


well as you can see from these pictures, big c is a happy, energetic, ball of hyper energy. he is a lot of fun! (except when he is running so wild you fear for his safety, and that of those around him!) he has been very friendly, with a ready smile, and mile-a-minute jabber mouth!


plus, he is so cute, that he tends to get off easy, or avoid getting punished at all. he has the uncanny ability to make you laugh just before you are about to lose your temper. you can imagine how often he gets his way just because he is so darned adorable!


he is so much more free, and "in the moment" than his big brother. (big h is quite serious...) i have learned easily as much from him as from our first child! big c has such an eager and excited outlook on life, that it is contagious. you can't help but notice simple things again, as though for the first time. it is fun to put aside the adult understanding, and enjoy the wonder and majesty of our world!


i have also been reminded of how much love can fit in a small package. he may not be as expressive physically, as big h, but he can convey his love with a smile, or just the way he looks into your soul with his deep brown eyes.


he is never wanting for entertainment. he can amuse himself for hours with the simplest things. (of course water is always high on the list!) again, a lesson for me. find joy in the moment, and in what you have.


like his brother, big c would much rather do about anything than sleep. there is so much to do, and learn, and enjoy, that sleep is a nuisance. of course we know just how vital it is! and if you can just get him to give in, or distract him for a moment, the activity of the day catches up with him fast!


the imagination of youth never ceases to amaze me. with him, it is total, and convincing. when he is being a t-rex, he is almost as realistic as the tyrannosaur in jurassic park. (except he is blonde and lacks a tail!) when he and big h aren't fighting, they are completely immersed in the world of their imagination!


and so big c, i thank you. for the uncharted love, and vast knowledge you have given me in the three years you have been in our family, i am grateful! i love you, and want everyone to know how special and important you are to dad. my family is more precious to me than any position, possession, or past-time. you are a unique and integral part of it, and i look forward to getting to know you even better as you continue to grow!

hippie power!

ok, you've caught me. i do watch tv. i even watch some reality tv. i quite enjoy the amazing race!

have you every considered what a task it would be to put that show together? think about it. in the beginning, you have at least 12 cameras and camera operators. while that decreases as teams are eliminated, there are still hours and hours of unused footage. i give props to the editing team on this one. i can't imagine the time and effort it takes to go through hundreds of hours of tape to distill the forty-some-odd minutes that are broadcast!

what about the crew that put together all the pit stops, and interviews? what about the team that makes all the logistical arrangements for each road-block, detour, and fast forward? my point is, it is a tremendous undertaking, and there is a ton of hard work that most people never even imagine.

i'm not saying they need the recognition. the anonymity is part of the role they play. i am saying, that "reality tv" is still carefully crafted, and to some extent, scripted. think about it. they choose teams based on colorful personalities, and the possibility of conflict. that unseemly base of "drama" that, despite our denials, draws us to reality tv.

i suspect that many of the challenges are designed to favor certain teams. i suspect that the tv cameras are more influential than pleading teams, in getting people on full flights. and i'm certain that the tireless team of editors carefully selects their clips to shape public opinion of teams, and even lead us all to cheer for the winners. (they know who won before the first episode hits the air!)

look closely. would michelle be that happy, and continue to stick with lake if he was really the ornery redneck the selective editing portrayed his to be? could mojo really be as disfunctional as they seemed all season, and then be so tender and mutually supportive when they were eliminated? how else could the ray and yolanda be so in love when it seemed they bickered through most events? how else could the frat boys seem so straight?

and the hippies. are they really that carefree and happy? were they really enjoying themselves regardless of their place in the standings, or struggles during tasks? are there piles of footage on the cutting room floor of them arguing, plotting, and being mean or deceptive to other teams?

does it matter?

my point is, whether the amazing race is "reality tv" or just a carefully crafted competition with real people, this was a good season. beyond the eye-opening glimpses we get into other lands and cultures. beyond the tasks that we all wanted to try, or avoid at all costs, but were so much fun to watch. beyond the teams we loved, or hated. (or were led to love or hate by editing.) this glorified game-show had a message.

yes, a message. i hope it was on purpose. and given "the amazing race family edition," i like to think it was intentional. simply, enjoy the moment, enjoy the opportunities, and enjoy the people you have chosen to "race" with.

crafted, fixed, fake, or not, we wanted the hippies to win, and they did. we were on the edge of our seats until they fulfilled our hopes. why? the hippies were excited with each destination. they were thrilled to participate in the tasks, and they had fun together, and encouraged each other. by and large they were nice to the other teams, (at least until the toward the end, and even then they weren't bitter or spiteful).

in the end, whether we saw things as they naturally happened, or our opinions truly were shaped by the creators of the show, it was a good finish. real or fake, we shared in the wonders of our world, the bonds of love and friendship that lifted teams above the struggles, and even after there was frustration, there was love and support.

with any luck, the collective "we" have been encouraged to: (1) be more giving and supportive, (at least to our loved ones), (2) to see the beauty and wonder in the world and people around us, (especially our loved ones), (3) are motivated to get off the couch, or our of the house and try new things, and above all, (4) try to enjoy the moment.

if such is the case, ttow!

happy mother's day!

to all the mothers who sacrifice so much for their kids. who go without, and do without, and don't complain. you are the backbone of the civilized world! in a very real way, you make carry the world on your shoulders! it is a huge task, and is fraught with challenges. we owe you everything! thank you. god bless you in your efforts!

tee time for big h

but not golf, baseball. or more accurately, tee-ball.

that's right, today was big h's first practice, of his first organized sport, which is his first extra-curricular activity. i don't know who was more excited, mom and dad, or him. ok, that's a lie. i do know that we were much more excited than he was!

if you couldn't guess from my previous post, i'm not the athletic type. i'm the artsy type that the athletic type like to harass. well, that stops here. no, i don't mean i want my boy to be the athletic type. but i do want him to be more well-rounded than i was. instead of living vicariously through him, i get to learn all the sports stuff with him. 20+ years too late.

not that i didn't have the chances. i did tee-ball and soccer when i was a boy. i just wasn't all that good at them, so i didn't have too much fun, so i quit. i limit myself to sand volleyball, and mountain biking. (not that i'm great at these, but i am good enough to enjoy myself).

big h, on the other hand, doesn't quit. he will work at it until he is good. like the first time we put him on ice skates, and after a little frustration, he had to go all the way around the olympic oval! like the first time he went roller skating. we ended up buying him roller blades, and he practiced until he's comfortable.
his school had a skate party, and this time, on his blades instead of the rental skates, he had a great time at the rink. probably skating as well as me. he's still young enough that you absorb like a sponge, and learn fast. plus he's determined enough to try and practice and work at it. he knows that with a little practice, he'll be able to hit, throw, and catch as well as anyone on his team.

anyway, we have now reached a new level. we have begun a new phase. he now has another sphere beyond our family, beyond his sunday school class, and beyond his kindergarten class. in one short practice, i watched him grow. i watched him put aside his shyness and thank his coach. i watched him get hit by the ball as he tried to catch the ball. even after the one that made him cry, (hit him right in the throat) he was getting better at tracking the ball. (not shying away from it as i always did). i watched him try new things, right in front of strangers. if you know our sensitive, shy boy, who has a difficult time adapting to change, you know what a huge step it is for him.

but that really is the point of kids sports, isn't it? it's not about winning, or seeing which parents can curse the loudest, or beat-up the other parents. (i'm not talking about any of the parents here, just the nut jobs you see on the news who follow the coach to his car and beat him up because he didn't leave their kid in the game long enough, or who are beating up other parents because they were cheering for the other team. we'll see if what happens at the first game in a couple of weeks). it really is about making new friends, having fun playing a game, and building self-esteem by learning new skills, and developing them. it's about having a good excuse to play catch with my son. it's about having a new set of reasons to spend time with, give attention to, and praise, and teach my son. i hope i can remember all this, and take advantage of the opportunities it provides me to enjoy my boy, and grow closer to him. that's what it truly is about.

"i was happy..."

"...at the ballet." so goes the line from a melancholy show tune. i don't know why, i guess i just feel clever when i use a quote or lyric for my post title. even if it's too obscure for most people to get. (anyway, despite the childhood hardships, the three women agree that "everything was beautiful, at the ballet," in the musical, "a chorus line").

as for the post... we went to a ballet. all four of us! it's not very often you get to take your kids, especially almost 6 and almost 3 year olds, to a ballet. well, we got to, and it was quite enjoyable.

the doorbell rang friday afternoon, and our next-door-neighbor explained that they had something come up, and they couldn't use the tickets they had, and wondered if we could use them, or knew someone who could. we're so grateful they thought of us! we were excited. i mean, my lovely wife and i both did a lot of theatre in school. in fact, that is how we met. obviously, we look forward for opportunities to share our passion for performing arts with our boys. unfortunately their ages, and my paycheck typically hinder such experiences.

this, however was ideal. it is fairly new ballet company that specializes in teaching. the average age of the dancers in this performance was 12! this was the second season of their original ballet of "the secret garden." it was to be a family event, and the tickets were for a matinee performance and everything. we figured we could dress up, go to the show, and then have dinner. you know, make a family date of it. only one problem...

our soon-to-be six-year-old, big h, had an invitation to a birthday party at the same time. no, our firstborn doesn't wear the pants in our house. but we wanted him to choose this, so he wouldn't resist, making a miserable time for all. it was a long conversation covering everything about the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one, how fun the ballet would be, how the birthday boy at the party isn't very nice to him at school, and finally, this is a one-time offer. he was convinced. he went. he had a great time. he said he was happy with his choice!

anyway, all dolled up in "sunday clothes," we headed for ogden. another plus for the whole event, was that the performance was at the beautifully restored peery's egyptian theater. as expected, big h got a kick out of the facade, and the details in the lobby. plus, the egyptian boasts one of only two known "atmospheric" ceilings in the country. that is, as show time approaches, the blue "sky" turns orange, and progresses through the purple and red of sunset, and has stars that appear as it gets dark. it's all designed as though the seats of the auditorium are in a courtyard in egypt. very fun!

well, we thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. the costumes were wonderful and colorful and fun. the sets were simple but beautiful and effective, (designed by my old scenic design professor!). the dancing was remarkable for the age of the dancers. it was all very well done. the boys both made it through. (with a good amount of play-by-play from us). it was quite different for them. a story, with no words!? just music, movement, costumes, and imagination!

so despite my worries about taking our young boys, "i was happy, at the ballet!"

i gotta get away!

where has my motivation gone? i can't seem to get enough sleep at night, and i'm not staying up late. i can't get up in the mornings early enough to exercise. i'm having a hard time focusing at work. i can't commit to any of the projects that need to be done around the house. i can't think of anything to make for dinner. i can't seem to do much of anything other than some occasional reading or sudoku.

i think i need a vacation.

one of my co-workers just got back from a week in disneyland. he is happy, energetic, and motivated. i hate him. ok, i guess i just envy him.

i need something like that. not a week in disneyland, i couldn't afford that. (especially with gas prices. another rant for another post!) i do need more than i am getting on regular weekends.

my kindergartener doesn't go off track until may 25. i will be in the middle of a busy time at work, but if i can't get a vacation of some kind, i won't be productive enough to use the time i would miss! seriously. my only motivation now, is to get things moving well enough at work, that i can miss a week or so.

of course, i have no idea what to do or where to go... we need to get away. away from home, work, and the daily routine. for at least four days! the longer the better. anybody have suggestions for cheap vacations in utah? (with our limited travel budget, we have to stay closer to home in favor of being gone longer.)

it's crazy i know. it's the only solution i can think of, and i really need to do something!