growing pains...

nothing good comes for free. particularly growth. i am specifically referring to personal development. it seems like the experiences that develope us dramatically, are usually very difficult to get through. in the end, the growth is such that the trial seems worth the trouble it was. it is basically all we do, throughout our entire lives.

in the beginning it's pretty easy. we struggle to eat enough to grow our bodies. we fall down a lot learning to stand and walk. we say all kinds of funny things learning to talk, etc. as we get older, we continue to learn at a rapid pace. yes, school is full of various challenges, and is often a challenge in and of itself, but still we go and learn.

it seems like the more we know, the more we have to learn. enter the teenager. they think they have learned everything there is to know. the opportunities for growth adapt. hormones wreak havoc on old friendships and simple daily routines. this shakes things up to the point that school is still useful.

at some point we discover the opposite sex. we can now admit, that we don't know everything. we start dating, and we realize just how little we know. not just about them, but about ourselves. it all coincides nicely with becoming an adult.

first jobs stretch us in new ways. with the evolving expectations of parents, teachers, and other adults, we recognize that there is so much we don't know, we need to focus our education and experience to shape us into something we think we want to be.

enter college. the narrowed fields of study are helpful, but the real growth comes from interaction with a much larger, and more diverse group of peers. these years are filled with the most important events and choices. we understand what a long shadow they will have on our lives. but we still feel young and bold, and we plow ahead.

of course, growth doesn't stop at graduation. jobs become careers, and while much is learned, most of it seems to center around the job itself, and therefore, while important, doesn't resonate as having core importance. but like all other areas, if the growth is significant, it comes by way of heavy burdens. (in fact this whole post grew out of some stress i'm having at word at the moment.) my current job is a blessing. it has been re-invented in the last few years, but it is secure and rewarding. the salary may be less that what i'd like, but i think that is true of all but a very few. still it provides for our needs and has become increasingly rewarding personally. while i'm glad to be doing things i never imagined were in my reach, it has been a difficult transition. at the moment, i'm in the middle of a project that is challenging many aspects of the corporate environment i work in. i have been on other projects that have pushed the boundries, but never as a central figure, and never one sponsored by the president of the corporation!

it sounds much more glamorous than reality. i'm working with secretaries from the presidency's office, and the issues this project has raised are being resolved way above my level. even so, it is a whole new pressure for me. knowing my name is being tossed around above my head, and that regardless of the outcome, i'm in it. it is a complex project with groups from within and without the corporation, and chances are remote that all entities can be entirely satisfied. while nothing of any lasting import is my "fault," i remain very much in the middle of it all. anyway, that said, i'll get back to the larger post this particular situation spawned...

even as these various adventures, from school to the workplace, continue to mold us, we realize that the most important areas in which we hope to advance, are going to require help. the kind we can't get from peers. we find a friend of the opposite sex, who has the most to offer us, and who we hopefully have much to offer, and we marry. the learning now comes at a pace and depth that makes college look like kindergarten. it is a veritable treasure trove of knowledge we didn't know we didn't know. much of it stimulates growth in the very core of who we are. we now grow in fundamental ways. slowly, perhaps, but life-altering nonetheless. after all, how can two individuals who truly commit to be one, not change as the melding occurs?

many of us decide, well before we've finished learning from our spouse to have children. it's a whole new school! like marriage, most of the growth is internal. it is also an entirely different degree of difficulty. with another life involved, the responsibility alone is enough to make some falter. happily, there tends to be a much greater outpouring of love and joy to keep us going. beyond the joy, it is what we discover about ourselves, our tendancies, our fears, and our abilities that make the immense new workload seem justified.

and because kids grow as we did, but with completely individual personalities, this highest school is always changing, and our personal evolution continues. the ongoing change with children causes the marriage to morph as well, and it continues to be extremely effective at advancing us. naturally there are other "schools" that come as we age and grow, but none can rival the primal impact of the family. i'm grateful that families are forever, because i believe it will take me at least an eternity to learn all my family has to teach me.