our firstborn came two weeks early. our second was one of the 5% actually born on the "due date." for our latest installment, we were hoping for early. well, he missed the rare window of days in january that aren't already some other family member's birthday. i was almost starting to hope he'd go late, just to get into february, and miss the minefield of january birthdays.
my lovely wife hadn't mentioned the contractions that woke her up during the night. she just went out to lunch with her mom (for her birthday) while i was at work. after a couple of weeks of excitedly answering my phone everytime i saw "home" on the caller i.d. she just casually said, "you may not want to stay too late at work today." (for the timeline, this was about 2:45pm). i was out of my meeting, so quickly packed up and raced home.
she was on her way home from her mom's and was stopping to pick up our oldest from school. this way, i got home just before she did, changed into comfy clothes, and started inflating the pool in the bedroom. when she got home, she was still down-playing things. "i haven't lost my mucus plug or anything." well we decided to explore the newly opened wally's so she could walk around to "keep things moving," and for me to find the adapter i needed to hook the hose up to the shower pipe. (i really should have listened when chris, our midwife, suggested setting everything up in a "dry run" to make sure we had space, and knew how everything would work).
shopping takes on a new dimension when, every three minutes or so, we would stop walking so she could lean on the cart and breathe. i did have stories of women having their water break while grocery shopping flash through my mind. i seemed to remember something about carrying a jar of pickles around to drop, just in case. but we were in hardware... well, shortly after 5:00pm, we purchased my plumbing parts, and we went home. the boys went right to playing, i went right to plumbing, and my wife decided to sit in the warm tub, since the contractions were "pretty intense."
6:00pm. "i think you'd better call chris." done. i called our doula shortly after that, and then began filling the pool in our room. this was a concern, since chris had told stories about other births who didn't get to use the pool, because they couldn't get it filled before the baby was born. well, our cold water pressure is great. hot, for some reason is another story. it just trickles out. it takes forever to fill the tub, let alone a pool.
we managed to get enough water that she was trying to relax in the hot pool when our midwife arrived around 6:40pm. well after a brief discussion, and watching a few contractions, chris decided this baby was coming tonight, and sooner than later. she began setting her things out, and getting ready. i kept running out to check on the boys, and then back to check on my wife. then around 7:40pm our doula arrived. (she had a longer drive than chris).
at first, this was a little awkward for me. our first birth was at a hospital, but not drugged. i felt like a valuable member of the team as i coached my wife, and helped in some small way to bring harry into the world. our second birth, was our first home birth, and again, i was very connected to my wife, and felt like my contribution, small as it was, was nevertheless important. now, we were well into labor, and i was making that connection with my love, and starting to work with her. now, here was this near stranger (to me) doing my job! it only took me running out between contractions to check on the boys one or two times before i arrived to see how our doula had been able to support my wife, and keep her in her groove without me. i still felt loved and valued, and now saw a good reason for a doula. she also kept an eye on the boys after the birth, so they didn't get too wild, and jump on mom or the baby, while i focused more on the newborn and mom.
many would ask, "why were the kids there? you should have known it would be a hassle!" perhaps. but they would have been devastated if they had missed the birth! they had been talking about it, and we had been preparing them for the bulk of the pregnancy. harry in particular, was looking forward to it more than christmas.
after a couple of contractions that brought with them the distinct urge to push, meemer decided she wanted more support than the pool was providing, and in between contractions, moved to the bed. the cool thing about midwives is how well they understand the natural process of birth, and how well the female body is programmed to accomplish this with very little outside help. just to remove any doubt, chris finally checked meemer (for the first time since chilly was born 3+years earlier) and confirmed that she was fully dilated, effaced, and ready to push.
meemer pushed with some contractions, and breathed through others. chris adjusted a "lip" during some of these. (this happened with chilly too. i don't understand it fully, but somewhere between the uterus, cervix, vagina, and the outside world, something wasn't quite lined up perfectly.) another reason we opted for a home birth with a midwife. instead of who knows what kind of complications, panic, and a possible c-section, chris made a minor adjustment, and everything was ready.
another contraction hit, and meemer announced "here he comes!" harry and chilly jumped up on the bed next to mom, and i moved around by chris. from what i remembered from the previous births, you got glimpses of the head for a few pushes before the actual birth. since i could see none of this, i was telling harry "in a few minutes... you still have a little time." luckily they listened to mom because the next thing we knew, there was a tiny head poking out! tiny and blue, and looking just like both his older brothers did at birth!
the next thing i know, at 8:33pm, chris has guided the shoulders through, and he shot out into my arms! that's right. i got to catch! it had been an option with chilly, but i was busy with a drowsy harry and we just watched. this time, i got my wish. there is something amazing about new life, particularly when it shoots into your open arms, wiggling and starts to cry! i can't describe the feeling as i held my son for the first time, and as i handed him to his mommy. it was very cool! the other amazing thing about this particular moment, was seeing this dark bluish-purple head, and almost instantly, hearing the cry, and seeing a beautifully pink and healthy baby in my hands!
mommy held the baby, daddy and the big brothers looked on in wonder. a few minutes later, harry, our big first-grader who has undying interest in science and biology, cut the umbilical cord. he was so careful and afterward was so proud! it made him feel like such a big part of the new phase of our family.
after pushing out the placenta, mom and baby climbed back into the pool for a quick bath. i then needed help from mom as i stumbled to dress him. i felt so awkward and out of practice! then i took harry and chilly, and tried to convince them to go to sleep. they were so hyper and excited, but eventually they fell asleep. i rejoined mom in just staring at our beautiful little boy! after some final help and advice, our doula left, and i helped chris take her equipment back out to her car. now, with a baby just over three hours old, we did a little more staring, and then settled in for a restless night.
it was such a wonderful experience, and so fulfilling. our family bonded through this miracle, and our biggest challenge now, is getting harry and chilly to wait for their little brother to grow big enough to play with! i was glad we all were there to witness the miracle of new life, and see the divine design of it all. take away the excitement of the moment, the fascination at the science of it, and you realize that it is one of the most spiritual experiences a family can have! i am grateful to have each of these three boys who have joined my beautiful wife and i in this family.
