big d's random thoughts

A is for...

2010-05-21T10:30:00.003-06:00

A.

A is for America.

A is for Arizona.

A is for Are we really wanting to go there? I mean “Welcome to Arizona, may I see your papers please?” Sounds familiar… “Paper please!” Like a quote from a movie… “Papers!” What was it? Oh! That’s right! EVERY World War 2 movie ever made! It’s a return to 1940’s Germany! How is this OK, when people were so angry about racial profiling?

(Slow exhale.) If only we could recall the inscription on the Statue of Liberty...
"Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me.
I lift my lamp beside the golden door."
Seems like lately we've tried to amend that with the disclaimer "unless you have brown skin." We whine about the anti-American sentiment abroad, yet we become increasingly intolerant, racist and xenophobic.

Why can’t we just let them come here and work, legally? Make it easier for those who want it, to get citizenship, resident status, or at least work visas. If they're legal and in the system, paying taxes with the rest of us, what's the problem? They don’t speak English? That is true, unlike all our ancestors who came through Ellis Island. Wait…

Of course, the crazy thing is, we may not want to get rid of illegal immigrants at all... No one wants to step back and look at the danger this kind of hysteria could cause. I'm not saying it's right or wrong, I'm saying that the existing laws are often ignored for a reason. If the big companies that use illegal labor were forced to use legal labor, they would have to pay minimum wage. Way more than they pay the immigrants (who won't complain because they don't want to be deported). Paying more for labor means charging more for the products they produce. Let's look at a big one. Food. Many of the illegal immigrants are migrant workers, harvesting food and processing meat (recent INS raids at the meat plant in Cache Valley). Do we really want the price of food going up in this economy?

So, now Arizona has become a big target. So big that people forget how many illegal aliens float into Florida, or stow-away into coastal port cities. It helps people ignore the fact that the US/Canadian border is much longer than our border with Mexico. Do they honestly think that criminals and terrorists don't know that? Or is it more likely, that while the focus is on the south, they'll use the north? Fact is, we're a big country. We have thousands of miles of border. We can only do so much. The most successful example of what many in this country are now calling for was the Berlin Wall. It wasn't popular either, and it didn't last...

Make it easier to be here legally, and the flow of illegal immigrants dramatically decreases. This makes it harder for the cartels, terrorists, etc. to blend in with the crowd. It means the resources we employ along the borders are more likely to catch criminals, than decent people trying to make a better life for their families.

Finally (yes, I know I'm long-winded) I would just encourage us all to give this some serious thought. Don't get swept up in the hype that is all emotion, with little understanding. If we forward provocative emails, jump on emotional bandwagons, etc. people could easily think we're just racist. The reason this whole issue seems scary, is because fear is the prime emotion that get's people moving. That's why Rush, Hannity, Beck, and the other hate-mongers make millions of dollars! They offer no solutions, they simply breed fear, anger, hate and contention.

Side note: Personally I don't get Glenn Beck. At the very least I find him, in particular, ironic. So many Mormons fawn all over Glenn Beck. They just love him. These same Mormons spend a lot of time talking about how "fear is the opposite of hope," and how Satan is the "father of contention," and how hate and contention are bad. Are they really that blind? I don't get it... K, back to my post.

To conclude, I think nothing but good can come from a little more thought before rash actions. Of course we all (OK, maybe not the atheists) want God to "Bless America," but do we really believe that He can only bless us by not blessing other nations? Can't He bless all nations? If we don't want Him to bless the cruel and corrupt, can we really expect Him to bless our country when the leadership is corrupt, the populace divided, and those most in need are overlooked?

As for me? I’m with tiny Tim. “God bless us, every one.”

In Memoriam...

2010-01-11T09:24:00.008-07:00

When I was 15 I was on staff at a Boy Scout camp in southern Idaho. One weekend, I my family came and got me, and we went for a drive. We wound up Ogden canyon, around Pineview Reservoir, and up another canyon I was unfamiliar with. The road was windy, steep, and just kept going. There were no buildings, and I could not imagine why there was a paved road to the top of the mountain! Eventually we arrived at Powder Mountain Ski Resort, and I understood the road. But not the drive.

We kept going. Off the asphalt and up a dirt road along the edge of the mountain. We parked by some large buildings, and got out to look around, and I noticed we were barely below the literal top of this mountain. My dad brazenly walked into one of the building, and I was confused and nervous. Who would live way up here? What would they say when my dad just walked in? He just wanted to look around. When he opened a door and walked into a living room, I was freaking out!

Just come in a take a look. Since it appeared empty, I did. Hesitantly. It was really nice, but isolated. Who would live here?! As we were looking around, my mom informed me that it was ours. Now, I knew they couldn’t afford it, and we certainly wouldn’t move that far from work and school. This is when I was introduced to the concept of timeshare.

For the next 20+ years, we would spend a full week (or two half-weeks) on top of the mountain. We were not skiers, but we never went up in the winter. From spring to fall and mainly when we were out of school in the summer. A week of hiking, swimming, playing games, stargazing, and just being away from the everyday routine. It was wonderful!

It was a place to share with family and friends.

It was a place to share with our growing family.

We actually began our honeymoon there. We spend a couple of nights between the wedding and our honeymoon in San Francisco. My new family, beginning with just me and Meemer have enjoyed it each of the 12 years since. As you can imagine, it is an absolute haven for our 3 boys!

Rocks,

sticks,

bugs,

trails,

the ski lift,

the pool,

and of course, the crane!

Some complained that it was too remote. That there wasn’t anything to do. There was the pool and TV. Eventually, that expanded to the pool, satellite TV and DVD players. For my family, there was plenty to do. Most days included two trips to the pool, one or two (or more) hikes, a stop at the swingset, climbing on the crane, games and a movie. It was just us. It was relaxed and unhurried. It was a place where we could strip away the frenzy that distract us from us.

My parents are now out of state, and would rather take a cruise than pay maintenance fees on a condo they no longer use. Who can blame them? Still, for my family, this is a big deal. When we couldn’t afford to take a vacation, I would get two or three nights “bonus time” and we would enjoy a few days. My boys have enjoyed our stays there. Long and short. Once a year, or several times. I wish we could afford to buy it, because it has truly become part of our family! We will truly miss it!

Technology that can replace a fridge?

2009-12-11T12:22:00.005-07:00

I have discovered that a good scanner is way better than a refrigerator. At least for certain things... Sure a fridge will keep food cold, but it's other primary function is losing ground in the digital age. Namely, it's use as an art gallery for elementary students, and an appointment calendar for the family.

Change is hard, but often good. My laptop was in the shop for 2 days, and I felt so vulnerable! It was like losing a good chunk of my mind. If it hadn't been for my phone, I wouldn't have known what day it was, let alone make any of my appointments. That's when I realized that the fridge just doesn't cut it as a calendar for me, because it's rather unportable.

It also limits the amount of art that can be displayed. My laptop (and your computer via this post) on the other hand, can display many treasured works of art! Plus I can save scans of anything I like, and burn a disc for the artist when he marries and moves out, or when his children start bringing art home from school!

This came up because while my 9 year old is very creative in the literary and Lego areas, his simple tips take quick root and rapidly blossom in his 6 year old brother. As a case in point, to draw stars in a night sky, draw the stars, then color the dark sky around them. Not only did he get it, but he improved it by adding what every starry sky needs: The Enterprise!

Then the other day, the lesson was 3D Art 101: How to draw a cube. Maybe not a perfect rendition, but I can prove he got the concept.

In fact, not only did he get it, the concept was so exciting, that he immediately saw practical uses.

Sure I'm a proud dad, but c'mon, for a 6 year old who just learned about drawing a 3D cube minutes before, that's pretty cool! But then he discovered that cubes and other 3D boxes make great building blocks for other objects. Like robots!

Yeah, my 6 year old may not write his own books yet, but he certainly shows his creative side in art and music.

An Epiphany!

2009-08-13T14:11:00.003-06:00

A few weeks ago, we read an article at work to help us better understand common elements of any corporate culture that hinder inter-departmental cooperation. The result was literally life-changing for me. It went well beyond my job, and touched on many levels of my life. It rings true with many thoughts and feelings I have had over the years. I had struggled with the concepts, and thought about it at length, but never been able to explain it, or compile it into a logical argument. This article did. It is a remarkably complete, clear, summary of those thoughts and feelings.

I was so moved by the article, that I took a copy home for my wife. Even though I am fortunate to have a job that provides me with a good deal of knowledge and growth, rarely is something so universally applicable that I bring it home. She read it, and though I can't say she was affected to the extent I was, I do know it made a lot of sense to her. She refers to it in her August 13, 2009 blog post.

(http://meemersworld.blogspot.com/)

I am speaking of the timeless advice C.S. Lewis gave students at King's College, University of London in 1944. This speech is known as "The Inner Ring," and is every bit as applicable today as it was when he originally delivered it. I hope you will take a few moments to read it. Here is a link where you can read it without ads and other distractions:

http://www.geocities.com/bigcslewisfan/

I can only say I wish I had read this (and had been mature enough to get it) in Junior High! It would have made life in Jr. High so much easier, and High School that much less frustrating. I would have found more peace and contentment in the years between then and now too. I hope to teach my boys understand the basic concepts now and help them understand the ideas as much as I can. I strongly believe that this will help them have more meaningful teenage years, and be more prepared for college, careers, and young families starting out in life.

So give it a read. You may already know it. You may think I'm late to the party. I do think it will help you share the ideas with others, and help you teach the principles to those you care about. I'd be curious to hear your thoughts too.

Our Wasatch Back or Father & Sons Campout 2.0

2009-06-24T11:49:00.002-06:00

So last weekend was the big Wasatch Back (Ragnar Relay) Race. 188 miles from Logan to Park City winding over mountains and along backroads in the valleys of the Wasatch Mountains. I'm sure you know my Meemer was running it again this year. Since they start running early Friday morning, and finish Saturday afternoon, I had the weekend with my boys!

I decided it would be a good chance to take all my boys camping. Harry and Chilly went with me on the Father & Sons campout last month, and had a blast, and I figured Fussy would be happy as a clam in the dirt, rocks and trees too. Meemer thought I was crazy to take our three boys camping (especially as it was the first time for Fuss), but I was sure we'd be fine!

Thursday, I came home a bit early to help Meemer get packed up, and we dropped her off with some of her teammates to head up to the starting line. Fussy fell asleep in the van, but the other two boys said their goodbyes and we came home. After dinner, we tried to get most of the cleaning done so the house would be basically clean when we came home with mom on Saturday.

Fussy was really good. He was happy and played pretty well with his brothers. When we were getting ready for bed he kept asking "where's mom?" How do you explain to a two year old? "Mom's running?" "No, she's getting ready to run." "Mom's at church?" "No, she's with her friends getting ready to run." He kept repeating the questions. It was clear, that the only time mom leaves him is when she's running (and even then he's usually with her in the jogger), or when she's at the church for a meeting, or a basketball/footsal game. He never really cried, just snuggled up with me and went to sleep.

Friday, I got the older boys up and ready for school. This is usually fun, since I'm the back-up parent in this scenario, I usually do things differently than mom, and I hear about it. That said, everybody had breakfast, Harry had his lunch, and we picked up their cousins on time, and everyone was at school fed, fully clothed, and on time. (Not bragging, just showing my basic competence).

I couldn't talk Fussy into going in the jogger, but that is probably just as well. I spent the morning packing clothes for all four of us, and the camping gear. After Chilly got home from kindergarten, we hit the store to pick up the stuff we were missing. (Marshmallows, graham crackers, chocolate, etc.) We got home, took care of the food, and then went to pick up Harry and his cousin from school.

After dropping off his cousin, we got busy. While I finished packing the van, the older two unloaded the dishwasher, then loaded the dirty dishes, made their beds, cleaned their rooms, (basically done last night) and picked up the rest of the toys around the house. At school, Harry had passed out invites for his birthday party, but one of his friends is off-track, so we loaded up in the van hit the post office, then dropped off the invite at his friend's house, and headed for the mountains. Just after 2pm! Not too bad...

At this point, let me just say that in addition to the Wasatch Back Relay, there was some kind of cycling race too. Plus this is June in Utah. What this all adds up to, is most of the campgrounds I looked at were booked. I ended up looking at a couple that were further from the course than I wanted, but found a couple reasonably close to the finish line, but still a two-hour drive from home. (I mention this, because not reserving a campground in advance comes in to play later).

Blessings continue, and Fussy crashes 15 minutes into our drive, and sleeps until we have the tent up! We're relegated to a "fee area" on the road to Mirror Lake. This basically means we have to pay $6 just to drive to the campground. Even with that fee, the campground is still $12. What do you do? I didn't book early, so I don't complain. Until I find out that this US Forest Service Campground does NOT have water! Now I've done a good amount of camping in my time, and there are 3 kinds of campgrounds:
1- Primitive camping. Typically in National Forests, this is, as it's name indicates, primitive. You have to provide everything you need.
2- Improved campgrounds. Usually State Parks or National Forests. Include a picnic table and firepit in each site as well as permanent outhouses and potable water.
3- RV campgrounds. Everything from KOA's to Parks, Forests, etc. Sites include picnic tables, firepits, and hook-ups that vary from electric only to electric, water, sewer, WiFi, and cable TV!

This was not primitive camping. Yet no water. No signs saying there was no water at this campground. I'm sure someone is getting a good laugh over the note wrote on the payment envelope. (We stayed since we had already setup camp before we failed to find water). Luckily, I had filled a water bottle for each of us, and nobody drank all of it, so we had water for making dinner. On the plus side, it was a pretty campsite by a stream with, what Chilly described as "billions of trees!"

After dinner, more exploring the forest!

Then we loaded in the van to go cheer mom on during her second leg of the race. (After missing all of the race last year, we were determined to see her and cheer for her this year). We found the course, and watched and waited.

Meemer came up the hill and took a quick break to greet us, then we cheered as she headed in to her handoff.

From there, we headed to the small town grocery store, bought four gallons of water, and headed back to camp. It was a bit after 10pm when we finally got there, and Fussy had fallen asleep 30 minutes earlier. We lit the fire that Harry had built before we left, and enjoyed hot chocolate and smores and an amazing canopy of stars!

I got Fuss out of the van, into his pj's and we piled in the tent and crashed. With the white noise of the stream, and the subtle light of glow sticks, we had a pretty good, if late, night. Fussy slept pretty well, overall, and was one of the first one's up.

Saturday morning, we had breakfast, and cleaned the dishes. I must point out, that it was Chilly, who helped me do the dishes! There was some more exploring, but then the rain came. And went. And came back. Harder. I between sprinkles I had packed up everything but the tent. (Naively hoping it would clear up long enough to dry out the tent before I had to take it down). Finally around noon, the boys were done playing in the rain, and we took the tent down in record time, packed it in the back of the van, and headed for Park City, and the finish line!

The worst part of the Ragnar Wasatch Back Relay, is getting to the finish. Sometimes I think the runners have an easier time getting there than any family or friends who just want to watch them cross the finish line! We drive out of the canyon and get on the main road right at the finish line site, then drive into Park City, where we park, wait in line for an hour, and ride a shuttle bus back to the finish line... Yeah, we were not happy. Well once finally on the bus, Fussy was thrilled, and talked animatedly about riding the bus, and all he could see out the windows.

So as we walk from the bus to the finish line, I call Meemer to see where they are, and when they expect to finish. This is where my Blackberry, aka worst phone ever (another rant for another time), say's the radio is off, do I want to reconnect? Radio? I thought it was a phone. Of course what this really meant, is that when a cell phone is in the middle of nowhere, it switches to analog mode, which eats up the battery. When a Blackberry's battery gets low, it shuts off everything it can to prevent it's immanent death.

If you read Meemer's race report (http://meemersworld.blogspot.com/), you can probably guess what this phone call sounded like. In my defense, I had checked my phone to see if I'd missed any calls, and when you're tracking 3 boys in a forest and trying to break camp in the rain, you can get a little distracted. That said, I still should have called earlier. Like as soon as we got to a better signal, or at least when we parked the van in Park City. Still I would be punished for this slight later... See, it turns out we were there early. Like by a couple of hours. With the brutal nature of the race, the late changes in the legs, the rainy weather, and the recent substitution of team members, Meemer's team was behind their predicted finish time.

So the boys played on a playground. Until Fussy started beating other kids up. I left the older two to play, and took Fuss down the hill to watch teams come across the finish line. We stayed low to avoid the wind, and managed to dry out the umbrellas. Watching the sky, I could see we were 5 or 10 minutes from more than a sprinkle, so we grabbed the other two, and headed across the field of tents, opting for the overhang of the only permanent structure, a concession/restroom building. My phone rang as we approached the building, so I knew Meemer was here somewhere. I tried to answer my phone, (back to the Blackberry rant) it ignored my button-pushing. It would do nothing. After missing all her calls this morning, I knew this was bad. After the longest 5 minutes of my life, pulling the battery, waiting, replacing, booting, retrying, repeatedly, until finally, the spinning hourglass of death was gone, and I could make a call!

It was raining when she got to us, we hung out for a while, as it was raining pretty hard, and was rather cold. The rain came and went. Eventually the rest of her team showed up, and they went to wait for the final runner to come in. (Then the whole team joins in for the last hundred yards or so and crosses the finish line together.) I took the boys over to the finish line, and we waited. It started to rain again. Here they come! We cheer, and in the rain and the rush, I failed to get any really good pictures.

It started raining harder. Meemer and her team got their medals, had their pictures taken, and then came to find us. It started raining really hard. We started running. Was that hail? Sleet? Who cares, it sucks 'cause it's coming down hard! A Meemer reported, I ran with Fussy screaming, she ran with her backpack and sleeping bag, the older boys froze with their inside out, exploded umbrellas. I get to the line for the bus with Fuss, the other boys come soon after, and I realize they had left the umbrellas to mom, already overloaded. When she gets there, it's pandemonium. She takes fussy and huddle under her blanket, I take her backpack and open the sleeping bag to protect me and the two older boys as we wait for the bus. (The umbrellas didn't make it).

By the time we get in the van and start heading home, the shock has passed, and though cold and wet, the boys talk about how much fun camping was. (And how much the sleet sucked). We had a late dinner, and went to bed late, but surprisingly happy. Boys like adventure. Even when it wasn't fun to be in the middle of it, it's fun to re-tell the tale! Fortunately, the boys' version of events focuses on the trees, and not the rain.

Happy Birthday Harry!

2009-06-23T09:30:00.007-06:00

Hard to believe that it's been 9 years since our lives changes so dramatically!

Of course, as mature as he seems, he still is a boy!

All boy!

Way too much fun! I love you, and hope you have a great birthday!

well, normally he wouldn't be a kindergartener...

2009-06-11T08:05:00.006-06:00

so chilly marked that childhood milestone typically equated with first grade!

even though he's got another month of kindergarten (thanks to year-round school) he looks more and more like a first grader all the time! it was funny! he was so hesitant to wiggle it too far, but it was so loose, we were afraid he would swallow it in his sleep. so a little talking and persuading, and he wiggled it right out... much to his surprise!

i only wish i had grabbed the camera a few seconds earlier!

welcome to the future!

2009-02-25T11:36:00.001-07:00

last night i had several striking and unique thoughts as i watched the president of the united states address congress. in some ways, what i felt were more strong emotions and feelings that thoughts. and they were notably different, and ones that i have rarely felt in recent political history.

i felt pride. optimism. hope.

don't get me wrong, i still had the same skepticism, fear, and doubt that is normal when any politician speaks. i mean, i'm not a democrat. i'm not a republican either. i'm one of the countless americans who have no representation, because both parties are enslaved by their various special interests. so how can i find hope when everyone else, at least everyone in both parties, are so divided?

for a start, i felt history as the president of the united states was introduced, and an intelligent, articulate man began to speak. refreshing after the last 8 (16 or 20+) years. he spoke with a confidence, clarity and candor that sounded more presidential than anything i've heard in many years. add to that the fact that he is a black man in a country that is more racially divided that it dares to admit. it sounds stupid, but if we, as a country can overcome our history, and elect his as our president, what else can we do? i felt pride. pride in my country, and yes, pride in my president. and just his presence at this point in history was the spark of optimism.

a huge thing for me, was his candor. not solely blaming, as so many are, greedy ceo's, corrupt and ineffective managers, and impotent lawmakers. but sharing part of the blame with the millions of americans who greedily, naively, or stupidly, bought everything they wanted, including homes far more elaborate and large than they needed or could afford. yes, some lenders offered loans to people even while doubting their ability to pay. they didn't force those loans on people though. indeed many people fudged their income to borrow even more. the fact that the president didn't vilify the big obvious targets, but spoke out about consumer habits that have irked me for years. admitting that we all have a hand in this problem to varying degrees, is the first look at reality. only by facing reality can we change, grow, improve, and thrive. so by merely being open and candid about the problem, my optimism grew.

as he laid out his plans, and ambitions for economic recovery, i felt what most people did. a healthy mix of hope and skepticism. it is a huge undertaking, there are so many things that could work. there are many that will, and many that likely won't. it's not as one-sided as either party makes it sound. some of the spending the democrats packed in does smell like pork. much of what the republicans decry is merely paranoid spin. of course it's not perfect, with the two-party system of gang warfare in dc, it never will be. but at the moment, that's ok, because it is bold, decisive, and moving forward. that is important to our economy.

almost every report of the dow tanking includes a phrase about how "consumer confidence" is slipping/failing/declining. when the dow gains, it is typically attributed to increased "consumer confidence." if so much of what our market does is based on confidence, i have that much more hope! if the people like me, who are still blessed with employment, can feel some confidence, because something is finally being done, (even if much of it does nothing, much of it will do something) we'll be more likely to do something ourselves. i feel more like putting my tax refund to work that i did last month. there are some needs and indeed some wants, that we will be spending money on. as more and more americans gain the confidence to do the same, things will turn around.

i'm not saying we're out of the woods, but there is finally a light at the end of the tunnel. (yes i intended that mixed metaphor). while i feel nothing but sympathy for the recently, and unexpectedly unemployed, i do feel a certain sense of vindication from the suffering of the irresponsible. it's wrong, i know, but after years of careful planning, putting off the purchase of things we really wanted, and skimping on what many people deem necessities, (in 11+ years of marriage, we've never had cable tv) we finally see some justice. some comeuppance for those who do whatever they want, go wherever they want, buy whatever they want, often just on a whim. they elaborately furnish their oversize house, park more toys in their garage, take costly vacations, and collect electronic gadgets.

again, i know it's wrong. i'm sure some of it is nothing more than jealousy, but honestly, much of it is how their loss contrasts with what i have, and my caution and frugality now feels rewarded. sadly, their suffering hurts the economy more than my caution helps it. but, if they learn anything from this experience, they will be better off in the long run, as will our economy. responsibility. just because we ignored it in the 80's and actively avoided it in the 90's doesn't mean it isn't real. as we move forward, if governments, corporations, families, and individuals take responsibility for their actions, our entire country will do much better.

what's next? where do we go from here? as always, the future is uncertain. in fact, right now it's even more frightening than usual. still, we must venture into that same future. indeed we are now shaping that future. let's not just hope for the best, let's do the best we can. americans tend to be cynical, but i think it's ok, to hope for a better future. i read an article a few months ago, about how hollywood had prepared us for a black president. of course that portrayal had always been in the future. but as we now stare into the future, think of barak obama, and remember that future is already here. obviously he's not the end-all, be-all answer, and of course it's ok to doubt politicians. in fact it's vital. but it's also ok, even vital, to start moving forward, responsibly, instead of holding back in fear. what will we make of our future?

i am alive...

2009-01-10T19:44:00.004-07:00

boring but alive. for basically all of october and most of november i was quite busy with a big project at work.
it felt like there were only a few days between halloween and thanksgiving! then christmas and new years came way too soon after that.

anyway, i'm not promising to do better with blogging this year, but it could happen.

and just to entice any who may have read this blog in the past, i'm including some fun video. it's a timelapse of our two gerbils shredding a toilet paper tube, a big sandwich bag box, and a japanese candy box. it only took the 5 hours to shred it all into small bits; you can watch them do it in a minute and a half! enjoy!

how's that ark coming?

2008-10-05T09:13:00.004-06:00

granted, we've still got 38 days and nights to go, but...

i may have to strap some pontoons on the coop! (and double check the sump pump in the basement!)

a carnival is elementary fun!

2008-09-19T08:13:00.003-06:00

last week was the annual elementary school, pta fundraiser carnival. we love it. it's the only fundraiser we have to endure each year, and we always have fun! it's nothing big, but the kids love it, and thus, i do too. you can't beat a cheap dinner that doesn't cost much! besides the hotdogs and nachos, there is a collection of big inflatable "rides" and standard fare games (fish pond, plinko, wheel of prizes, etc.).

plus with cousins attending the same school, the boys can count on seeing someone they know. here they are as dinner winds down.

meanwhile, my baby has decided than when someone says "say cheese," to take them quite literally.

i did have a blast watching the big boys go crazy on the inflatables, but was easily more entertained watching my baby who has now mastered the slide!

as meemer noted on her blog, he declares most trips down the slide as "awesome!" very fun and extremely cute. of course it was harder to get him off the playground than it was to get the older two off the games and inflatables!

sentimentally yours

2008-09-17T08:30:00.004-06:00

every once in a while, some of the "treasures" from my childhood prove useful. my parents saved a lot of memorabilia from my youth, and having inherited those genes, i kept much of what they saved. so, meemer pulled out one such treasure and put our baby in it for church.

ready, which is me, and which is my boy?

ok, it's not really that hard. especially with all the pix of my boys on our blogs. that and there are always more professional pictures of the firstborn than the third. (that or my parents were better at scheduling pix. or i'm just lazy because we have digital cameras...) or who still has a "raggedy andy" doll? or maybe you could just tell because i have more hair than my son!

in defense of my age, there are color pix of me as a baby, this is just the only one i could find of me in the same outfit...

finally, here's my boy in color:

10 things that make me happy.

2008-09-04T13:38:00.003-06:00

thanks meemer, for the tag. "if you get tagged, you have to list 10 things that make you happy. what are the things that tickle your fancy, make you smile or still give you that butterfly sensation? what things do you seek out and truly enjoy? the only rule is that you can't say your kids or your spouse...it's too easy."

it's pretty busy at work now so this will be short. (i typically blog on the bus/train or at lunch...) plus i don't even want to try to prioritize this, so i'm just listing 10 of the many things that make me happy, in random order.

pizza from the pizza place

kid-free time with meemer

days off work

meemer's homemade chili

lego star wars 2

seinfeld

being in nature (our yellowstone trip totally revived this passion)

payday

baseball

reading

i don't know anyone who hasn't already been tagged, and don't want to tag a stranger, so if you read this, have a blog, and haven't done this post, consider yourself tagged! everyone can use a review of the good things in life!

the first day of school

2008-08-11T15:52:00.004-06:00

two excited (and slightly nervous) boys outside the school they both now go to!

chilly was especially excited about his new backpack! (who wouldn't be... i mean, darth vader!)

harry was equally happy about his star trek backpack, but didn't want to pose for pix this morning...

that's right... star wars vs star trek. what can i say but, geeks beget geeks!

harry signs in...

and finds his place... (and resists having his picture taken, i mean, he has done this 3 times before!)

chilly finds his room and gets his nametag

then he does some puzzles waiting for his new adventure to begin

and he had an absolute ball decorating his birthday gift bag!

hard to believe it's that time already! where has the summer gone?!? kinda sad, but i think we will all benefit from being back into a normal routine.

the last day of summer

2008-08-11T15:32:00.005-06:00

since pictures say more than words ever could, i'll limit my background to the basics. just before school started, we made a last-minute trip to yellowstone. (meemer has a great slideshow on her blog) http://meemersworld.blogspot.com/
between the park, the old west feel of west yellowstone montana and jackson wyoming, the indian reservation in idaho on the way up, and resultant discussions of meemer's (and therefore their) shoshone heritage, the boys have become fascinated by native americans. what better way to finish it all off than getting in costume and playing until dinner while watching "dances with wolves?"

brave smiling bear

brave stone face

the great hunt (with authentic yellowstone bows and arrows!)

and of course, chief rumbling bum

yes, he has a costume too, but i didn't get a pix of him in it... it's funny what you can do with some extra fabric, a bag of beads, a hot-glue gun, and some feathers from our chickens!

oh, to answer your question, yes. meemer and i had at least as much fun making the outfits as the boys do wearing them!

a late report of a great day

2008-07-14T10:51:00.003-06:00

it has been over a week, and i'm finally getting around to reporting on the baptism of my oldest. it doesn't seem possible that he is that old, but he definitely acts like it. (much of the time...)

the day went very well. there was only one other boy getting baptized at our service, so harry asked his grandma play the piano, and my sisters to speak and lead the music. (all did great too!) the other boy's grandfather spoke, and gave both boys a framed picture of john the baptist baptizing the savior.

the other boy was baptized first, so we got to watch that before we went to the font. harry was squeezing my hand pretty hard as we walked back to the font, but i think i was more nervous than he was. i don't know why. i knew what to do. we have been to several baptisms in the last couple of years. i guess it's just because it's been over a decade since i participated!

we got in the water, and just sort of went for it. (nobody said anything, so i'm guessing the witnesses were in place...) i stood on his toes to keep his feet down, and as i put him underwater, i realized that he was a good foot under, and that was plenty. (i didn't look to the witnesses to ensure he had been completely immersed, or if i had said the prayer right, we just kind of walked out of the font.) again, i knew we were ok, but looking back, wondered if i should have been more formal... oh well, maybe i won't be so nervous in 3 years.

the whole time we were changing into dry clothes, harry kept excitedly (nervously?) speed-talking. it was so neat to hear him talk about how good he felt, and how he would never forget it, and how the holy ghost was telling him he had made a good choice, and how warm the water was... after we confirmed him a member of the church, and gave him the gift of the holy ghost, we went back to our house for lunch and well-mannered chaos.

i love our house, but when you cram that many people in, it feels tight. hopefully, everyone enjoyed it as much as we did. after the crowds moved on to other activities, we had a good long talk with harry to process the day, and all his feelings. it was a great time. he really is a wonderful boy (despite his parents), and can be surprisingly mature (sometimes). i also had some good one-on-one time with chilly too, so he wouldn't feel too left out.

like so many things, it was a great experience, and all we had hoped for, and it was over so fast.

-afterthought- harry was asked to speak in primary yesterday. he was upset. he doesn't mind speaking, and does a great job. he was just disappointed, because he wanted to use his new scriptures! in the end, he wrote his own talk, which was (as we suggested) an intro and closing around reading several related verses. pretty funny!

meemer is my hero!

2008-06-25T12:10:00.002-06:00

i can't tell you how cool my meemer is. if you haven't heard of the ragnar wasatch back relay, you need to check it out. to get an even better idea, you should read meemer's race report on her blog.

this meant that i was home with the three boys. my first overnight solo effort. it was great. sure the youngest missed mommy, we all did. he obviously missed her most at bedtime. and at 2am. since i don't lactate, he had to settle for cocoa puffs and a cup of (cow) milk. it seemed to work. he slept well after that. well after that and an hour playing with the farm and castle.

seriously, it was a great father-son bonding thing. we are definitely closer. the older boys keep busy enough to not dwell on mom's absence. even so we had a fun "boys night in."

the only real regret? we didn't make it to park city in time to see mom cross the finish line. next year we will be there waiting! hopefully we'll get to cheer her on trailside during one of her legs. i think that would make it more real, and more meaningful for the boys. then they'd better appreciate why i'm so proud of their mom!

i can't run fast enough...

2008-06-10T16:56:00.002-06:00

i still got tagged. meemer tagged me with this runner, blog, post, thing... i don't know exactly what it is, so i'll just answer the same 5 questions that were in her post.

1- how would you describe your running 10 years ago?
basically non-existant. i ran to catch the subway, and not much else. (although i was in relatively good shape. especially compared to two years ago...)

2- what is your best and worst run/race experience?
i'm not what you'd call a "competitive runner." apart from one year of track in high school, i have only run one "race" which was really just the community 5k fun-run. it was cool because i didn't know what to expect, and set a personal best, that i have yet to beat! 22:09. that's a 7:07 minute mile! i haven't come close to that since!
my worst would have to be one of my 5:30am jaunts on the treadmill in our basement. they all blend together, and anything over 4 miles is insanely boring!

3- why do you run?
-feeling fatter and fatter as meemer dropped weight like crazy.
-hitting 220lbs.
-holding my new baby and realizing that i don't just want to be around for my 3 boys, i want to be fun and active with them.
-not wanting my dr. prescribe cholesterol drugs.
-dropping 35lbs.
-sense of accomplishment. (getting off the bus, walking into work knowing that i have already run 4 miles).
-sense of accomplishment. (seeing my monthly mileage break 120).
-increased self-confidence.
-set a good example for my boys.
-fun activity to do with meemer.
-time alone with my thoughts.
-stubbornness.
-not wanting to put the 35lbs back on.
-activity carries over to other aspects of my life.
-working toward goals (10k/half marathon/du-athalon/marathon/tri-athalon).

4- what is the best/worst piece of running advice you've been given?
when i was first increasing my regular run mileage, ice packs and ibuprofen saved me when my knees (just below the caps) would ache after most runs.

5- tell us something surprising about yourself that not many people would know.
i believe that peak oil (google "peak oil" for the scary stuff) will have gas higher than $6/gal by 2010.

fiscal irresponsibility

2008-06-06T15:40:00.000-06:00

why is life so hard? surely life owes me more than this!?!

ok, of course i know that there is more to life, and that you have to work for it. it doesn't matter what you've done, who you are, everything you want has some sort of "price." america is the land of opportunity! too bad so many people think it's the land of privilege.

i grew up in the 80's. overall, it was a time of good economy just after a serious gasoline crisis. economic growth outpaced both inflation and unemployment. of course, my parents remembered turbulent 70's keenly. couple that with having been raised by parents who remembered the great depression, and they were cautious. almost to a fault. to me, much of their "pack-rat" like hoarding, and refusing to throw things away seemed strange. it was, after all, a time of peace, and relative ease.

then came the 90's. with even greater prosperity, and particularly the "dot-com" boom, the economy soared. jobs were plentiful, and inflation was largely forgotten. the computer craze brought affordable technology of all kinds to the masses. there was a noticeable shift from "needs" to "wants." remember it was the 90's that brought us the popular bumpersticker "whoever dies with the most toys, wins!" i remember my parents commenting on it. i remember my grandparents being unable to comprehend it!

so what is the next step? we, as a country, had enjoyed more than two decades of shameless prosperity, and we're beginning to see the consequences now. i remember being lectured by my parents (and yes, grandparents) when i got married, not to try to have everything my parents had right away. it had, after all, taken them more than a quarter of a century to acquire it all! it was still a temptation.

a temptation that grew as those a decade younger than me began to marry. they either didn't get the advice i did, or the prosperous environment they grew up in negated it, because they already have more of that stuff than me! (or my parents!) i'm not pointing out inequality, or airing my personal jealousies, i'm talking about the greater problem. the attitude of privilege and entitlement of the current generation.

see, my grandparents are gone. my parents are now grandparents, and it's my generation that has to wonder. how much farther can it go? remember when only business managers and rich people had cell phones? i do. i have cub scouts in my den who have them! 9 year olds! i know it's handy, and a good safety net for kids, but i also think it is one of the more prominent symptoms of this attitude. are there still high school kids without cell phones? sure. they're the losers that get shunned.

the real problem here, is that they don't pay for it! people can have whatever they want, as young as they want, as long as they pay for it! (and i don't mean going into massive debt to do it). it has become expected, and the burden falls to the parents. many of whom, are like me, and don't have all the things we need (or want). why should we be paying for the next generation's wants? that's too much pressure! (financial, and otherwise!) it's not just movies and tv anymore either. i have had many conversations, and overheard similar sentiments, that make me feel like a failure as a parent.

what have i failed at? here's a partial list of things that i have not provided, even though i have been assured are essential for kids to have a good childhood:
1 a trip to disneyland
2 cable/sattelite tv
3 a tv in his bedroom
4 his very own psp/ds/etc.
5 a trip to disneyworld
6 a computer for the kids to use (if not their own laptop!)
7 universal studios
8 a trip to the beach (as in ocean) as much as they loved the local reservoir, it doesn't count
9 their own car (ok, so my kids don't drive yet. i won't buy them a car when they can!!!)
10 season passes to lagoon (our local "amusement" park)
11 cell phone
12 ipod
13 college savings (that's why we have scholarships, grants, student loans, or heaven forbid, a job!)
14 lego indiana jones (even though i really want it too!)
15 wii (ps3/xbox360/etc.) [we do have a gamecube, but they have to finish chores before they play]
16 heelys
17 entertainment system in the van
18 school lunch (and breakfast!) [have you seen what over-processed, pre-packaged crap $2+ gets?]
19 guitar hero
20 all the make-up and fashion stuff (ok, i don't have a girl, but if i did i would fail here too)
you get the idea...

it's not that i think people who do provide these things are bad parents, its just how can things so frivolous be essential to normal childhood. when did toys and fleeting fun rank up there with food, shelter, and clothing? how can such blatant self-gratification be called important to a child's well-being?!? why should i feel bad or guilty for choosing to use my limited resources on things that i find more important? look around! we're reaching a tipping point! the 90's are ancient history, economically speaking. if you think $4 a gallon for gas is bad, just wait. not only is that going to increase, but it's just the tip of the iceberg. we're just beginning to feel it!

as fuel costs of all kinds continue to increase, the pain at the pump will extend to everything we buy through increased production and transportation costs. this is going to make inflation look like a joke! the proof is on every side! suv's and trucks are getting harder to sell. large homes are hard to sell. not that people don't want them, or even can't afford them. they can't afford to drive or heat them! the crash in the housing market is just the first stage.

just 2 or 3 years ago, people bit off more than they could chew when buying houses, and now they can pay for them, and they can't sell them. gm may well drop the hummer line because it went from status symbol to embarrassing monkey-on-your-back just as fast as the gas prices went up! sales of full size trucks and suv's is down 37% from last year! again, only step two. as the cost of everything goes up, (but salaries remain steady and benefits decrease) something is going to have to give!

i have to wonder if any of my grandchildren will even know what disneyland is...

it may be lame, but it's a post!

2008-05-23T13:34:00.007-06:00

i was tagged by meemer. this is kind of cool, in that i never get tagged. it's also a pain in the butt, 'cause if i had free time, i'd post more often without getting tagged. anyway, here it goes. of course it will probably greatly resemble meemer's lists...

5 things i was doing 10 years ago:
1-thoroughly enjoying life as a newlywed. 10 years life was simpler. we were freer.
2-staying up late (routinely 3am!)
3-eating less than healthy food (frozen pizza by the case!)
4-having a blast in our own house. those were the days!
5-doing whatever we wanted (that we could afford), whenever we wanted!

5 things on my to do list:
1-inspect and register my car.
2-daily running. something i never would have imagined!
3-rebuild my deck.
4-build a shed.
5-go grocery shopping.

5 favorite snacks/food:
1-chips and salsa.
2-cinnamon bears.
3-ice cream.
4-peanuts.
5-cheeseburgers.

5 things I would do if I was a billionaire:
1-travel. a lot.
2-a slightly bigger house on a large chunk of ground with an indoor pool and horses (for water polo!).
3-a sweet motorhome and atv's.
4-a giant plasma tv and surround sound system.
5-an electric VW bus. or a little red corvette.

5 bad habits:
1-cutting meemer off while she's talking.
2-yelling at my boys.
3-getting distracted when meemer is talking to me.
4-underestimating timeframes. (everything always takes longer than i think!)
5-not getting meaningful gifts for meemer.

5 places I have lived:
1-my current home.
2-layton, utah.
3-manhattan, nyc.
4-tokyo, japan.
5-clinton, utah.

5 people I tag:
1&2-you. (both of my non-meemer blog readers!)
3-5-that's it. i don't know any computer literate people who haven't already been tagged. (i don't know any people...)

weekend update

2008-04-14T11:55:00.001-06:00

monday. 'nuff said right?

usually, monday involves a good chunk of wondering what happened to the weekend? where did it go? why was it so short? i still have so many things i need to do!

while i do have many of those thoughts today, i remember what we did, and it was fun. nothing really exciting, but nice. the weather was fabulous, and we enjoyed it thoroughly. (that's probably why we didn't get everything done...)

friday was the usual rush to soccer, with the unusual complication of photos. harry was one of only four who showed up (why they schedule team pictures at 4:20 is beyond me!) so his "team" photo should be money well spent... on the plus side, he had a good game, and did really well. watching, you'd never guess this was his first season! he really gets into it, and enjoys it. it's fun to watch too! (nothing like scrawny second-graders chest-bumping after a goal!)

saturday was pretty busy. a cousin came over to play with the boys while meemer and i went for a run. i know it sounds like a lame thing to do when we had a babysitter, but that 7.2 miles was the closest thing we have had to a date in a long time! it was fun. we could talk. after a long week, we were both tired and didn't set and speed records.

meemer went with her sister and her two girls to go dress-shopping. the kind of thing she doesn't get to do much of... we met up with them at, what else? a soccer game. our niece plays on an all girl team. it's quite different from our boys' games. they play in positions, and know what they're doing. (as opposed to a pack of kids chasing a ball around the field). the boys enjoyed the adventure of a new playground at a new park while we watched boo and her team beat the other team.

after that it was shopping. normally, the boys hate this. they still weren't thrilled, but they accepted when i told them i wanted to buy a trampoline. (even though harry didn't believe me, and yelled at me!) we started at sam's club where we say a nice one on sale last week. well it wasn't on sale any longer. the price had gone up about $80-90! so we stayed just long enough to hit all the samples, then left for shopko. (i had done some looking online, and had plan b ready to go!)

well we scored the trampoline (marked down $70!) and some indiana jones m&m's, and headed for wal-mart. (shopko didn't have any more enclosures for the trampoline). luckily, i had forewarned the boys that if the first store didn't have it, we may have to go to two others. wally's didn't have the enclosure i had seen online, but they did have a compatible one that ended up being $20 less that expected, so no complaints.

a quick stop for happy meals and home to set-up the tramp. meemer, harry, and chilly help pull all the parts out of the box and sort them, and begin the assembly, while the baby chases the chickens around the yard. well, he may only be 1yo, but he's smart. while we attached springs to the newly finished frame, he picked up the screwdriver and went around poking all the screws!

the mat is finally on, and the pad goes over the springs. poor excited boys... daylight's waning, and we're just pulling parts out of the enclosure box! it cools off, and meemer takes chilly and the baby inside. harry helps me attach all the poles, which i couldn't have done alone! we put up the netting, but the sun is officially down. he goes inside. by the time i attach the netting to the trampoline, (a lengthy process of weaving cord through spring eyelets and holes on the netting) it's dark. i literally threaded the last few holes by touch!

yesterday was the most glorious day so far! completely cloudless, bright blue sky. barely a breeze to spoil the warm sunlight. pushing 70˚ for the first time this year! beautiful! the funny thing is, the 1yo actually screams louder than his big brothers when he has to come inside!

while not incredibly productive, it was a fun weekend. yet it still feels like monday. in every stereotypical way. that could have something to do with chilly coughing and puking so loud that meemer and i were up from 3:30 to 5am. i did manage to run outside this morning! it was only 46˚ and i was running late all morning, but it was better than the treadmill!

'course a strong wind is supposed to bring a cold, wet, storm tonight...

it's sad when a mother cries...

2008-04-02T13:13:00.000-06:00

it's even sadder when someone feels emotional blackmail is the answer!

let me tell you a story, and ask you to be the judge. am i wrong in reacting the way i did?

so i'm at work, getting caught up on some things after missing several days with sick family members, (including myself) over the last couple of weeks. i get a call from meemer. this is fun, 'cause it gives me a break. she asks me if i sent myself some mail. "no" i reply to this odd question, reassuring myself it is no longer april 1st. she then asks if she can open the letter addressed to me, and also listing me as the sender. curious, i say "yeah!" she reads the one line within:

"it's sad when a mother cries.... because she doesn't think her children love her."

that's it? as it sinks in, i grow steadily angrier. what, are we twelve?! one line, typed. address and return address (both me) typed. the only clue, a salt lake city postmark. that doesn't narrow it down much since any mail anybody living on the wasatch front, if not all of northern utah, sends gets that postmark. it is, nonetheless a piece to the larger puzzle. let me give a little more story, so you have the other pieces.

a few weeks ago, my flew up from az to help lil' bro and his fam when their new baby was born. remembering my references to the sick weeks, it worked out to be on the day i did go to work. i felt like crap and missed the day before and after. i hauled some of lil' bro's stuff out of our basement (free storage unit), and drove it to work. i met mom and lil' bro when for lunch when she got in, and handed off the stuff, in exchange for other stuff to drive back to lil'est sis. it was a nice lunch, except that i felt like crap. anyway, i go back to work, they go to provo.

mere day's later, the baby is born, and there was much rejoicing. meemer read about this the morning after on an internet message board she belongs to. eventually, that afternoon, we got an email with some pix. later i even got a call from lil' bro. both unexpected, since we didn't even know they were expecting until someone let it slip a couple of months ago.

anyway, mom wants us to come down that weekend to see the baby, and so she can see our boys. natural, except that after having babies of our own, we understand the busy time it is, and were so grateful when people would (a) come when invited, and (b) keep sick kids away. so since we (a) hadn't been invited by the parents, and (b) had 3 sick kids and 2 sick adults, we declined.

so, the next week starts. at least monday comes. (i was home from work, and one kid was home from school.) mom still wants to see our boys. i call to find out when she's leaving, and invite her to spend the night, and day prior to her flight home with us, and then i would take her to the airport. well lil' bro was planning to bring her to the airport on thursday, but nobody was going to salt lake on wednesday. (quick geography lesson: we live just over an hour's drive from lil' bro, and the slc airport is roughly half-way) i offer to drive wednesday, so she could hop an express bus from provo, then ride home from work with me. she never said no, but started talking about other things, so i guess she had too much luggage to take the bus... i asked if anyone was driving up earlier. somebody was going to salt lake on tuesday, but that was too early to leave. she was still working on invites to lil' bro's graduation. honestly, i was a little surprised, and felt somewhat rejected, but i don't know what's going on down there, so i accept it.

mom then wonders if me and my fam can come spend time with her at the airport. lil' bro will bring her up when he comes up for work around 1pm, and her flight isn't until 6pm. ok, after checking luggage and planning for security checks that leaves, what, three and a half hours? well with current security, we can't get passed baggage claim, so there's not much to do at the airport. downtown salt lake is only 15 minutes away, we could go there and find something to do for 2 or 3 hours. except then the boys are doing whatever there is to do wherever we end up, not spending time with g-ma. oh, and meemer and the baby are still sick. oh, and since i had missed so many days, i'm swamped at work. oh, i also have meetings that i have to be to that afternoon. oh, the baby hates his carseat and screams after the first few minutes. (not cries, screams. like a veloci-raptor. until he is free.) after 40 minutes (each way!) in the van with that, nobody his happy. especially sick mom and baby. again we decline.

flash forward to this morning. "it's sad when a mother cries.... because she doesn't think her children love her."

i know what you're thinking. "bid-d is such a butt-hole it's a wonder any of his family still speak to him!" yes, i'm the dark cloud raining on all family gatherings. i'm the insensitive jerk who gets angry instead of feeling guilty when they receive anonymous notes about their mother crying. how can i even look lil'est sis (you know, the good daughter, who drove to provo) in the eye?

yes, i know i caused pain. i mean i feel like i screwed up the stats! 6-3 instead of 9-0. luckily(?), there is enough backstory, and history, that i any guilt i still feel is swallowed up in anger and frustration. "it's sad when a son/brother..." posts something like this, knowing it may well estrange him from his family. especially when my kids love their cousins and grandparents (on both sides). they should be able to enjoy them and have that relationship. i want them to have that. on the other hand, they're my kids and i want to protect them. from what? i don't know what to call it other than emotional extortion. it goes beyond being taken for granted. it is having someone actively assume that we will bend to the will of the family, regardless of anything else going on in our life.

example: "cousins week 2008!" if you don't know, this is the week+ long reunion that we were told we would attend. (so plan your work schedule accordingly. regardless of what is happening at your work.) oh, we were told that we would be housing certain family members too. (so any of meemer's family who come to town for harry's baptism can get a hotel.) now that's advanced planning! yeah, this is pain i want my boys to have in their lives! we should definitely go to all the reunions and spend every waking moment with these people when they come to town!

so there you have it. granted that last paragraph is dripping in sarcasm, but otherwise, that is the story from my pov. i know this is offensive, but i'm done. i therefore leave the judgement to you. i hope you will comment, and tell me honestly if i am justified, over-reacting, or misinterpreting the whole thing. although, in the spirit of the anonymous letter, i have disabled anonymous comments from this post. own up, or shut up!

a walk on the wild side!

2008-03-19T21:18:00.003-06:00

there's nothing like a baby's first steps! of course these are somewhat different. but then what would you expect from scooter?

he never really crawled. he got so good at scooting, he never bothered with it. likewise, he had little interest in walking, cause scooting was so fast. having other boys who walked rather early (harry before 8 months, and chilly around 9) this seemed really late, rather than normal. no matter how we reminded ourselves that many kids don't walk until 13-15 months, we still worried that something was wrong. silly us.

anyway, either during the little time he's spent outside, he realized that the scooting doesn't work so well on grass and concrete, or he gets a huge kick out of being such a big boy! either way, he has recently done a lot of walking, just usually holding on to something. lately, he has been taking a few steps from one place to another, but usually when no one was looking. tonight, we managed to keep him walking long enough to grab the camera.

enjoy!

good air!

2008-03-02T14:41:00.002-07:00

so many who have seen scooter scoot, know that when he gets going fast, you'd swear he was airborne at times. i had this thought again this morning, and decided to prove it. so here you go. proof that my son can fly!

happy valentine's day!

2008-02-14T09:30:00.002-07:00

eleven years (and two weeks) ago, i enjoyed my first date with meemer. so on this particular day, i post this for and to her.

we met a couple of months prior while working together on a project together. our first date could have been sooner, but i had trouble working up the nerve to ask... (women don't seem to understand this, but men are nodding) in fact i had let the best opportunity pass. the project was over, and who knew when we would see each other again. i'm so grateful i didn't wait for the perfect chance, and just called her, out of the blue.

from our first date on february 1 to our wedding on september 5 was an amazing, whirlwind adventure. i became firmly convinced that every so often, we come across someone we knew before this life. as we got to know each other better, i often marveled at how deeply things resonated. i wasn't getting to know you, i was catching up with an old friend after a lengthy separation. never had i yearned to learn more about someone. the bonding was quick and the love exponential. i enjoyed every moment with you, and when i wasn't with you, i counted down the time (often literally) until i would be. even our brief lunch-dates between classes and work were joyous and sustaining.

our marriage has been better than i could have imagined. seriously. it's with you! my best friend. my soul mate. there is no one i would rather be with, and i'm blessed to get to have life's adventures with you! we've already had many. some more fun, and some more educational, but all valuable, and all the better together. even the more distant ones are cherished and clear memories.

celebrating our first anniversary thousands of miles away from any family, living in new york city! us. having fun, growing together, and learning to be one. having a baby together. building our family and re-learning how to be "us." building a house. having another baby. evolution of my employment. moving to our current home. having our third baby. celebrating ten years together. not to mention the many other "smaller" but just as influential things we've done together. all valuable and important because we did them together.

thank you so very much for this. i am truly happy. i know i don't fully understand all you do, nor appreciate how hard it is, but i am grateful. i don't think you know (my fault for not expressing better and more often) just how much i love you, and just how thankful i am for all you do. there just aren't words to express the depth and intensity of my love, or the breadth of my gratitude. thank you!

i have never loved anyone, as i loved you when we married. yet my love for you now makes that love seem feeble. like my love, my trust, faith, happiness, hope, joy, desires, dreams, and peace have grown. i am more than i could ever have been without you. we two are still more! (and growing) despite my failure to tell you as i should, i want you to know what you mean to me. you are my reason and my breath. i love you more than ever! i love you more than anything!

happy valentine's day.

praise to the man!

2008-02-02T11:36:00.001-07:00

i currently work on the 20th floor, looking out at temple square and the conference center in salt lake city. thursday and friday there were public viewings for president gordon b hinckley, prophet and president of the church or jesus christ of latter-day saints, who passed away this week.

what makes this scene more impressive, is knowing that the line is even longer inside the building! i marvelled at the masses who came to wait for hours to pay their respects to the prophet of god. many of them young enough to remember no others.

as i rode the bus home, we passed the crowded block. lines all the way up the street and all over the plaza. people dressed in their sunday best, talking, smiling, and enjoying the wait, despite the cold. it made me think of what i often take for granted, working at church headquarters as i do. of all those who leave this world, famous and unknown, certainly few deserve this kind of attention. but this was the prophet of the living god!

third time's the charm!

2008-01-29T14:54:00.001-07:00

while it hardly seems possible, my dear youngest son has already been with us for a year! i remember so well when he was born. how could i forget? i was the first person to hold him. no, really! i "caught" him when he entered this world. it was truly a marvelous experience. i don't know if that gave us a special bond, or if i just know more having done this twice before, but i am still amazed by the love he brought, and brings to our family.

while the resemblance is unmistakable, he is still so different from his brothers. every bit as beautiful, but maybe even more fun... he has his own personality, an it is different from either of his brothers. harry is serious, organized, and disciplined. chilly is carefree and fun-loving with little thought to anything else. my baby is somewhere else. while he seems to need mom more than we remember with the others, he also seems to get the most enjoyment out of making, or seeing others, happy. he will get your attention, and pull faces, or offer you food, or laugh to make you smile. he also loves to just watch his brothers laugh and play together.

it is clear he wants to join in with everyone. he's a year closer! i have been putting home movies on dvd, and as you can see from meemer's blog, she has been going through pictures. so many memories, still so vivid, that it doesn't seem possible for a year to have passed. at the same time, i can't really imagine our family without him!

so here's to you number three! fussy, scooter, the baby, the third, whatever name we use, you are by youngest son, and you have stolen my heart! you'll never know the joy you give me, the longings and desires i have for your future, the depth of my love for you, or the love and joy you have given to me. i thank you. i love you. i know your second year will be sad (since you're not a baby any longer) but even more fun, as you continue to learn, grow, and love!

what a waste!

2008-01-23T11:22:00.001-07:00

so if you've been reading meemer's blog, as well as mine, you know that scooter has had a long-lasting cold. as you would expect, a sick baby leads to sleep-deprived parents. add to this condition, the incredibly cold weather, the numerous snow storms, and you have a group of people who are getting pretty down. now factor in the fact that harry is off-track, and chilly only goes to school for a couple of hours, three days a week. now we're talking cabin-fever conditions!

but wait. what's that on the horizon? a holiday weekend?! a saturday and a monday with no plans? (apart from normal saturday chores) that could be just what the doctor ordered! we can get things done, then go somewhere and do something fun! we can rest up and maybe get a nice long run in on monday, as well as some other fun activity for all! so many possibilities! of course, it never quite works the way you want...

as you can probably guess, meemer and i both caught scooter's cold, and let me just say, it was a bad one! i feel for the kid! i was (more) tired. i was congested both head and chest. i had a cough that wouldn't stop. it would give me headaches though. meemer was just as bad, and only half a day or so ahead of me. (like the previews for me).

saturday wasn't nearly as fun (or productive) as it was supposed to be. it passed in a haze. i gladly took the chance to lay with scooter to get him down for a nap! 3 hours later... wow! i rarely nap anymore, and never for that long! i felt much better, but it killed the rest of saturday! at least we have monday! sunday was eaten up with church and other meeting, but at least we got out of the house a bit.

monday was cold. seriously cold! and snowy! not snowing hard, but snowing constantly. all. day. long! we ended up with several inches. (it was hard to measure due to the drifting, but i'd say somewhere between 4" and 6" with drifts up to 18"!) so we didn't get to go anywhere, or do anything fun. (ok a movie or two, and of course, lego star wars!)

it just seems wrong to miss out on a perfectly good holiday. especially in such a crappy month! it has been a long, lousy winter, and it's only january! (almost february!) i guess there is a plus side. i got over the worst of my cold, and was able to play some games with the boys, enjoy a nap, and play lego star wars with meemer until we're at 85%. all without using any sick leave...

the good, the bad, and the boring

2008-01-16T11:00:00.000-07:00

the good news is: i got our treadmill working again! this is good, since our basement stays around 60º even when its 7º outside. which it has been far too often lately. yes, i've done some cold weather running outside. i think the mid teens was as cold as i have dared. it's so much nicer to run in shorts than in many layers. nicer to breathe normally, instead of having cold air sear your throat, or the uncomfortable build-up of sweat and condensation in my balaclava. it's also cheaper and closer than the local community center. plus next time it snows (or rains), i won't miss a run.

the bad news is: i got our treadmill working again. while i still don't consider myself a "real" runner, i have been spoiled by running outside for so long. we live in a great little town that is basically flat, with fairly quiet neighborhoods, and miles of paved trails. the trails and many of the back roads are quite scenic, and i really enjoy it. the treadmill is dreadfully dull! i have nothing to look at, other than toys strewn around our unfinished basement. even the 1/10 mile track at the community center was more interesting... at least next time it snows (or rains), i won't miss a run!

boring! time drags, no matter how fast you run. the farther you run, the longer it drags. i know it will just take some getting used to. when i first started running regularly, i did it all on the treadmill. it was still boring, but not as bad as it is, now that i know the difference. i should put a little tv in front of the treadmill! i even thought briefly about a wireless controller for the gamecube, but figured i'd kill myself.

winter sucks top 10

2008-01-15T11:02:00.000-07:00

the top ten reasons winter sucks:

10 wind
9 snow
8 less daylight
7 getting sick
6 stuck indoors
5 cold
4 lack of sun
3 driving in snow
2 spouse getting sick
1 kids (especially a baby) getting sick

they say it's your birthday!

2008-01-08T12:51:00.000-07:00

happy birthday to meemer! my favorite person in the world! the one i love so much, yet fail to express my love or gratitude as i should. there just aren't words to capture all you do and are!

seriously, you are my best friend, my confidante, my coach, my motivation, my lover, my training partner, my therapist, my conscience, my guide, my snugglebunny, my lego star wars teammate, my eternal companion, my cheerleader, my reality check, my teacher, and my inspiration.

and that's just me. think of how much you are to our three beautiful boys! you're amazing, fun, selfless, and kind. we all love you!

i hope your day is what it should be. you deserve it!

i love you!

finally!

2008-01-04T13:39:00.000-07:00

as you know from the previous entry, harry takes his sweet time getting his teeth out. since the loss of that tooth, he lost another. not the other loose top one. one of the bottom ones that he had only just said was loose. anyway, he has finally lost the other long-loose top tooth!

i know. this kind of excitement, over something like this, is a sad comment on my life.

(on the plus side, meemer and i are beyond the story, and are now thoroughly enjoying free play in lego star wars!)

transitions

2007-12-22T11:25:00.000-07:00

just a quick, pre-christmas post to show off my growing boys. i'll start with scooter, or fussy, or whatever we'll call him next. he has started pulling himself up and standing by the couches, and even walking along them!

chilly is still having fun, (see meemer's post about his pre-school program!) and would much rather play, than fix his hair!

harry finally got his loose tooth out! it was loose for so long, it was actually turning black... much better!

dairy? no problem!

2007-12-08T09:18:00.000-07:00

so if you remember when scooter was younger, and meemer had to avoid dairy, or he would have terrible nights? the patience paid off. instead of the aversion becoming a full-blown allergy, or intolerance, it seems to have diminished, or maybe even gone away! life seems better when your kids can enjoy what other kids do. at the top of this list? ice cream!

nascar... for runners

2007-12-01T13:07:00.000-07:00

welcome to december! it sure looks like december. we woke up to a couple of inches of new snow today. kind of pretty, except i hate snow! especially now that i run or ride my bike regularly. i went for a run the other morning after a light snowfall. there was only a skiff on the ground, but here and there, i found slick spots. impossible to discern from the surrounding areas. anyway, running (or riding) in snow is not fun!

as the weather grew colder, and the forcasts called for snow, meemer and i began discussing the local community center. while basically a handful of basketball courts alongside a few classrooms, it does have an indoor track, and a few pieces of exercise equipment. due to the snow, and the fact that it will likely continue for a few months, we decided it was time to try it out.

meemer went and paid our dues and ran her six miles. since the track is only 0.10 miles, you can see where i'm going... she had to do 60 laps! so while i only did 4.2 miles, that was still 42 laps, and just like nascar, it is insanely boring to do left turns for 36 minutes! (i guess they try to relieve some of this tedium by switching directions every other day.)

luckily, they anticipate the mind-numbing nature of this kind of running, and provide the little handheld counters to you can click off each lap. (i don't think i could accurately keep count for more than 5 laps.) at least you can watch all the kids play basketball as you run. except the guys have the age-old problem of resorting to "shirts vs. skins" when they play, and who wants to see that?!?

my favorite part of the track is that the courts on one side are heated, but the far courts are not. half of each lap is at least 10 degrees warmer that the other half. the result of this drastic switch in temperature twice a lap is two-fold. every time i hit the wall of warm air, my mouth instantly dried out. the other was that toward the end of every warm stretch, i felt like puking. pick one! all warm would be fine. i would sweat like crazy, but i can deal with that! all cool would be even better. it felt great running on that side! i don't know how the flocks of senior who walk laps in the mornings don't pass out!

i'm not complaining. it will just take some getting used to. it is better than being stuck on my treadmill all winter, and it is certainly better than not running! i may have to ask about the hvac situation...

not a bad november

2007-12-01T12:54:00.001-07:00

as far as my workouts go, it was a good month. despite being really busy at work, and starting the month sick, i managed to get a run or ride in pretty much every day! logging my efforts has become a major motivation for me. especially when i get to the end of the month, and can see the totals. here is my november as it appears on my training calendar on www.mapmyrun.com

that's right. i ran on thanksgiving. not only did i run on a holiday, but i ran almost 7 miles! after burning almost 1000 calories, i didn't feel so bad enjoying the pie sampler plate!

so, while i never would have imagined it, i ran almost half of my 135.96 miles! i could see myself riding 68.1 miles a month, but i would never have dreamed of running 67.86 miles in a month! especially since most of it happens before i go to work in the morning. that is, before the sun comes up. i hate mornings too. but i feel so much better!

thanksgiving, a couple of days late.

2007-11-27T17:26:00.000-07:00

there is always so much to be thankful for. it seems that every year, when thanksgiving rolls around, i think more seriously about my gratitude, and family always tops my list.

this year, we were with meemer's family. we had 21 people there enjoying an incredible spread. a complete thanksgiving dinner, plus several other sides and garnishes, and of course, 5 kinds of pie! of course, on top of all the food, it is always fun to be together with family, watching the cousins play.

2007 was also the first thanksgiving for the two baby cousins. our fussy, who was renamed scooter on this day, was enjoying time with his slightly younger, far more girl cousin. competition? maybe. she can crawl? he can scoot on his butt. she's a girl? he whacked her in the face. on and on it went.

i know meemer has video of scooter (aka fussy) on her blog doing his little scoot, but i'm putting some video here too. this was on thanksgiving, and he was enjoying his cousin.

since scooter is currently my largest single source of joy, i get a kick out of it. even if you don't enjoy it as much as i do, you gotta admit, the kid is cute! now don't get me wrong, i love meemer more than anything, and i truly love and enjoy my older boys too, but right now, something about my baby's bright personality just clicks with me, and makes me happy. even when he isn't sleeping. even when he fusses for me. even when i'm cleaning up a blowout. (yes, he's that lovable!) i just hope it keeps up when he's older, and into other kinds of trouble!

see d run...

2007-11-17T11:41:00.000-07:00

this morning, the annual city "turkey trot" 5k became my first race. granted it's more of a fun run, but the winner finished somewhere after sixteen minutes. if you run, you know that's pretty fast! i didn't win. i didn't place. but i surprised myself with a time of 22:09.

of course, since our town is pretty flat, there wasn't much up and down. it was only an elevation change of about 58 feet, but on a graph of the run it looks impressive.

anyway to put this in context, it means that over the 3.1 miles (5 kilometers) i averaged 8.4mph! that's more than a full mph faster than i average on my regular runs. needless to say, i was shocked when i crossed the finish line!

what made it more fun, was that our niece came over to watch the boys, so meemer ran too! or more accurately, it allowed me to run the race too, since meemer was planning on it first. she was much closer to the front of her group with a time of 24:14. she put several more pix on her blog.

http://meemersworld.blogspot.com/

well, i was thrilled, but i was wiped! it took me quite a while to catch my breath. i am still excited, but i'm done for the day! meemer, on the other hand, went out to run another four and a half miles! (she's my hero!)

if you love ssssomething, sssset it free!

2007-11-02T16:00:00.000-06:00

as you probably learned from meemer's blog, harry caught a snake, fondly named "reggie" who was living in our aquarium. a day or two later, reggie had new tank-mates. aside from the fact that our aquarium was too small for a snake that size, (let alone 3) we couldn't figure out what to feed reggie, freddy, and stumpy.

meemer looked online, and found suggestions of worms, slugs, or small fish. harry and chilly happily took to worm-hunting. there were soon several worms per snake. maybe too many. we had no way of knowing if the snakes ever ate any! we never saw them show any interest anyway. so one day, we stopped by the pet store to ask advice. we were told quite positively that they would eat goldfish. "just put them in the water dish." can you see goldy floating in the water in the above picture?

so the snakes have slithered through the water, right past the goldfish, again showing no interest. they ignored the fish that died in the bowl, so i left it on the land in their tank to see if they would go for that. there was a third fish, swimming in the standing water under the rock where the snakes like to spend time. still nothing.

so last night, (remember what i felt like based on my previous post) harry and i came down to find one of the snakes on the lamp housing, and a second one part-way out of the door! they had managed to push themselves up, and lift the lid! the one was easy. i opened the lid, and gave him a nudge, and he dropped back down into the tank. the second one, fell off the tank and in the struggle to capture him he then dropped to the floor. About 2/3 of him was into a hole under our kitchen island, before i grabbed his tail, and pulled him back out. harry grabbed him, and we got him back home just as mom walked in...

today, after weighing chilly's request for a home for his fish (at least the 2 surviving goldfish) with harry's fondness for his "pets," i decided, (bearing in mind the first escape noted in meemer's blog, and the second one noted here) that we should free them. i asked harry, and since we didn't know if they had eaten anything, and we didn't want them to die, he agreed to free them.

so on a beautiful fall day, harry took each snake out, and carefully put it back, just where he had found it a few days earlier. chilly kept the dog at bay, and we got some video and some pictures of them slithering away, to remember the brief time when we had snakes.

oddly enough, when i cleaned out the aquarium, i could only find 2 fish...

halloween = puking?

2007-11-02T15:47:00.000-06:00

our harry has a pretty poor average on halloween. he has now been sick 4 of his 7 halloweens. when i say sick, i don't mean a little cough or runny nose, i mean violently puking every 15-70 minutes all day long.

we thought since he was off track this year, he'd have a better shot. unfortunately, his little bro brought something home from preschool. so chilly spends most of monday with his head in a bucket, but poor harry, who has been looking forward to halloween for months, missed out on the whole thing. he was fine all morning. a little less active after lunch, and about 4:30pm, with trick-or-treating in sight, he starts chucking.

lest we forget the baby, who while not technically hurling, is so congested that mom and dad got very little sleep for three nights in a row. last night being the best, when meemer and i both had it! lets just say that i lost 9 pounds yesterday. yeah, it was bad.

anyway, to lighten up the post a bit, here are our jack-o-lanterns:

latest on the baby

2007-10-08T14:38:00.001-06:00

just a short video clip of our baby. he refuses to stay on his belly long enough to figure out crawling, but he is happy to sit and play and watch the rest of us. as long as we stay in sight...

already!?!

2007-09-24T09:09:00.000-06:00

so i wore my new warm-up pants for my run this morning. it wasn't that cold, but it had been raining during the night, so i thought i would try them out. this really has nothing to do with the pants, but the weather. this will be my first winter as a person who regularly exercises outdoors, and i'm not sure i'm ready.

when i started working out, it was winter, but i was in the basement on the treadmill. after a summer running or riding my bike outside, i don't think i can go back to the treadmill or stationary cycle. maybe if it's a bad storm, or deep snow... and hopefully not for more than a couple of days in a row. it seems crazy, since i never considered myself the "active" type, but i'm trying to find the right kind of gear so i can keep running and riding outdoors during the utah winter. this is all the more odd when you consider that i'm not a cold-weather person to start with. i hate winter. give me one week of snow, then bring on spring... (i know, get out of utah. sorry, it's where the job is...)

so anyway, back to this morning. i had a very pleasant run despite the mid 40's temps. the real slap in the face came as i was driving to the bus (when it was light enough to see), snow on the mountains. just a short-lived dusting, but still the first, undeniable sign that winter is looming, already!

my favorite decade

2007-09-06T12:21:00.000-06:00

yesterday marked a major milestone. ten years ago, meemer and i were married. it has been remarkable. i honestly can’t believe how much my life has changed, for the better.

i had a good childhood, and i thoroughly enjoyed high school and college. i learned and grew and changed. i learned and developed even more during the two years i spent in japan serving a mission. i have even been developed and learned a lot through my career.

nothing can compare, however, with marriage. having kids certainly ups the ante, but it’s still the marriage that, as the foundation of it all, has the greatest impact. i have grown, changed, and learned more than even i am aware of. i like to think it has been for the better, even though i am painfully aware of how far i have yet to go.

a quick background… i was finishing my degree at school, and working in a decent full-time job. i was almost 25 and felt like i was beginning to stagnate. i know that sounds strange, 25 is, after all, very young. (but i do live in utah, and was therefore something of a freak.) my friends were getting married left, right, and center. they were still very kind to me, but i was feeling very much the third wheel. plus they seemed to have something that i didn’t. something indescribable.

the final for one of my last classes was to direct a scene. the scene i was directing happened to feature an all female cast. (i know, rough for me…) you guessed it, that is where i met meemer. well to keep this post short(er) and on task, some weeks after my final, i managed to ask her out. over the course of a short but intense courtship, we were engaged and then married just seven months after our first date.

we have been through 3 houses, 2 apartments, 7 vehicles, 5 olymics, 9 pets (excluding innumerable fish), 4 family funerals, 6 different jobs, 8 leaks/floods, 2 car accidents, 2 misdemeanors (pled down from 6), and of course 3 children.

i have grown to love meemer more each year since we were wed, and i was crazy about her then! she is beautiful, strong, smart, kind, and fun. she is as selfless as they come. she sacrifices more for, and gives more to me and our boys than we deserve. she is the most amazing person i know, and i marvel that i am privileged to be her husband!

so when the kids and all that goes with them precludes any special anniversary plans, it was still a great day for me. the time has flown by. in some ways, i can’t believe it has only been ten years. in other ways, it has been nearly a third of my life, and by far the best part of my life!

so, to meemer i say, thank you. sincerely. i owe you more than anyone knows, and i am more grateful for all you have given me, than i am able to adequately express. despite how poor i have become at showing you, you remain my princess. i love you more than ever, and more than anything!

we should all have so much fun!

2007-09-06T11:43:00.000-06:00

my four-year-old is intense. when he's happy, he is ecstatic. when he is mad, he is frightening (but he gets over it quickly). he is all go, all the time. he never stops moving, or speaking. he hums his own soundtrack to go along with his day. if it isn't fun, he isn't interested. luckily, he naturally has fun, or makes his own fun in just about any situation you can think of.

recently, he has started his first sport. he has fun playing soccer. if you have seen 4 and 5 year olds play soccer, you probably wonder, like me, "how fun could it be?" well if you have as much fun as my boy, it doesn't matter what you're doing.

some of that is captured in this video. i wanted not only to show how much fun he has, but also to showcase the oft-overlooked middle child. he is a handful, but he is so much fun! he is cute, outgoing, and more than happy to share his joy with you.

can you see why we love him so?

another video update

2007-08-15T09:33:00.000-06:00

there's not much to it, but now that i'm back from nauvoo, here are movies from our trip to the condo, as well as a current look at the three chicks we got this spring. (look back at the other "video update" post below, to see them when they were new). also, some of our baby sitting up by himself.

video update

2007-04-30T09:54:00.000-06:00

this is just a test to see if the home movie i put together will show here, without linking to my webhost.

well, this seems to work well. i may have to post more movies!

absolute insanity!

2007-03-16T22:25:00.000-06:00

as you probably gathered from meemer's blog, my parents are moving out of state. this was a huge shock to everyone who has known them during the 34 years they have lived in their house!

think back to the last time you moved. (probably much more recently) and picture the process. particularly the amount of crap you have to sort through. magnify that by 34 years. yeah, it's ugly.

in many ways, if you just dropped in, you'd think my parents had died. everyone trying to decide what we should keep, what we should give to charity, and what we should junk. in some ways, it's worse than after the owners die, because they remember all the stories and experiences tied to each little thing that has sat un-used on a shelf or in a box for 30+ of the 34 years. or they remember what they paid for it. or their rearing by parents who survived the great depression kicks in. something makes it difficult to let anything go. they then resort to asking what everyone else thinks, but still have a hard time letting go.

i understand. i inherited many of these pack-rat tendencies. luckily i have moved a few times in the 9+ years i have been married. it's hard to do, but if you don't or haven't used it in the last 5 years, what are the odds you are going to use it in the future? if it's not some heirloom, what good is it doing you lying forgotten in the basement? this saga has been going on since the yardsale fiasco of last fall! (more of the disagreement over what to sell, keep, or save, and even more disagreement on price! "they offered $10, i think you should take it." "i don't know, i think it's worth more than that..." so we hold out, and end up just giving it to the local thrift store!!!)

if my parents would just step up, take responsibility, and say: "keep this, junk that, thrift this, etc." without all the time spent justifying decisions, or strolling down memory lane, this choice process could have been finished days ago! it's not any easier for us to decide! when you ask us, you can't get upset if we don't see the value or nostalgia you do! your stuff, your decision!

i won't even go into the whole emotional side of this move. ("we're so glad you never moved away!" followed by "we changed plans, we're not moving to the northwest, we're moving to the southwest!") meemer described most of that in her blog...

i don't want to touch the food storage either! let's just say there is a lot of food that varies from expired last month to older than my wife! while not all of it can kill me, it certainly won't do me much good nutritionally. plus, the thought of food that old, is less than appetizing. i know there is a lot of food. i know it cost you a lot of money and planning over a lot of years. i know you sincerely desire to help us out. how can i refuse expired food without hurting your feelings?

i don't think i'll say much about the unsupervised grandchildren running wild, getting in the way, making huge messes in the house and yard, and beating the tar out of each other. i mean, i can't point fingers. my boys were right in the thick of it. often contributing to the chaos, and always contributing to the noise! of course it was my 3-year-old that was having his face ground into the carpet under the air mattress as his cousins were jumping on it... he was also tackled by a much bigger cousing... i know he's aggressive, but he was pretty upset about his sore arm on the way home.

the big thing i wanted to address, is the complete inability for my family to make, or stick to, a plan. as frustrating as this is, i grew up with it, so it shouldn't bother me, right? well, there are in-laws who don't get it, and those of us who were always frustrated by it, and now there is the battle among my siblings and i that this whole debacle caused.

namely, i have sisters from two other states here to help with the move. we have my other sister who lives here, who has been doing all she can despite being 31 weeks or so pregnant with twins. then we have my brother who lives 2 hours away who goes to school and works 2 jobs, and me who has a new baby and a job. (neither of us are on vacation right now...) add to the mix, a timeframe that changes daily (or even more frequently) but without communication to me. it leads to questions like the one i got to night: "everybody's been over here working from 7am to midnight, most everything is packed, and the trucks mostly loaded, and where are big d and his brother the last two days?"

let me just say, that i am honestly not angry with my brother in law for this question. i'm sure were roles reversed, i would be asking the same thing. i actually applaud him for being honest rather than sniping behind my back like everyone else. i explained: "the last thing i heard was were were getting the truck friday, and doing most of the loading on saturday, when we have other family in town too. i was working until 10:30p on thursday (and i had told them i would be), and we got here as soon as we could tonight." now i find that they got the truck on thursday, and did most of the loading that night. if i had known about the change, i may have been able to beg off of staff meeting today to help more, but i didn't know. i was still expecting to spend most of saturday loading the truck.

as for the sorting, packing, and other work. no one asked if i could get time off work to help with that. when i asked what was going on, i was told that they were just going through stuff, but that it was going well. naturally, i felt a little guilty, that so many were there helping, but they are here on vacation, and i'm still going about my daily routine.

maybe it's a good thing they didn't ask if i could come over, or tell me that the schedule had changed. it would have been just like today. me wandering around moving a few things, throwing a few things away, and piling things up for the thrift store, all the while feeling lost, and getting frustrated by the lack of decision making by my parents. they would all get mad at me, and wish i wasn't there. (after all, to acknowledge any fault, imperfection, or minor frustration with my parents is a cardinal sin!)

of course after this post they'll probably think that anyway. what they don't realize, is that it's because i love them so much, i am so frustrated. this move hurts more than i can admit. it hurts, that people are accusing others of not helping. the fact that the move itself is happening hurts. i have put off, and denied it for so long, but now that the truck is full, and the house nearly empty, i can't avoid it any longer. my out of state sisters chose to move away. i was told how wonderful it was that we stayed. yet now they choose to leave. which is their right, and i truly do support them. seriously, i do. if someone honestly feels that they are doing the right thing, then i support them regardless of my personal feelings. that doesn't mean my feelings are wrong, because they are real. it doesn't mean my hurt is their fault, or that they should feel guilty for it. but it doesn't mean that i have to hide or lie about my feelings either.

i've said too much, so travel safely, and good luck in your new home! i hope all goes well, and is rewarding and enjoyable. i'm sorry i have responded so badly to these past few days, and i hope everyone can forgive me in time.

a brave new frontier!

2007-02-22T11:13:00.000-07:00

it happened last weekend. harry entered a new phase of life. oddly enough, this one came later than other kids, even though his first few steps into mobility came sooner than average.

he was larger than average at birth, and sat up almost from the start. it wasn't a huge surprise when he started crawling early. i don't remember exactly how old he was, but he was walking before 8 months. really. of course, as he started riding a bike, we lived on a big hill in a hilly area. not conducive to two wheeling. this was one of the reasons we moved to flatter country.

toward the end of our first summer on the flat, we finally talked him into removing the training wheels. it didn't go so well. he was frustrated, and we couldn't keep him at it for long. flash forward to last weekend. after a dismal winter plagued by inversions, we had some spring-like weather, and harry begged for his bike.

i pulled it out, pumped up the tires, adjusted the seat, and off he went. he began trying to go, all by himself, while i was working on chilly's bike. by the time i realized that chilly's bike needed a new part, or a replacement, and talked him into learning to pedal on the trike, harry was riding short stints across the driveway!

after he learned how to stop, i told him that the faster you go, the easier it is to stay up. i think that did it. he overcame his concern of going too fast, and started riding farther. just a couple of hours after inflating tires, chilly had mastered the forward peddaling motion, and harry had no need for training wheels.

he was thrilled to watch himself on video, so here it is:

the third time is just as amazing as the first!

2007-02-02T11:27:00.000-07:00

our firstborn came two weeks early. our second was one of the 5% actually born on the "due date." for our latest installment, we were hoping for early. well, he missed the rare window of days in january that aren't already some other family member's birthday. i was almost starting to hope he'd go late, just to get into february, and miss the minefield of january birthdays.

my lovely wife hadn't mentioned the contractions that woke her up during the night. she just went out to lunch with her mom (for her birthday) while i was at work. after a couple of weeks of excitedly answering my phone everytime i saw "home" on the caller i.d. she just casually said, "you may not want to stay too late at work today." (for the timeline, this was about 2:45pm). i was out of my meeting, so quickly packed up and raced home.

she was on her way home from her mom's and was stopping to pick up our oldest from school. this way, i got home just before she did, changed into comfy clothes, and started inflating the pool in the bedroom. when she got home, she was still down-playing things. "i haven't lost my mucus plug or anything." well we decided to explore the newly opened wally's so she could walk around to "keep things moving," and for me to find the adapter i needed to hook the hose up to the shower pipe. (i really should have listened when chris, our midwife, suggested setting everything up in a "dry run" to make sure we had space, and knew how everything would work).

shopping takes on a new dimension when, every three minutes or so, we would stop walking so she could lean on the cart and breathe. i did have stories of women having their water break while grocery shopping flash through my mind. i seemed to remember something about carrying a jar of pickles around to drop, just in case. but we were in hardware... well, shortly after 5:00pm, we purchased my plumbing parts, and we went home. the boys went right to playing, i went right to plumbing, and my wife decided to sit in the warm tub, since the contractions were "pretty intense."

6:00pm. "i think you'd better call chris." done. i called our doula shortly after that, and then began filling the pool in our room. this was a concern, since chris had told stories about other births who didn't get to use the pool, because they couldn't get it filled before the baby was born. well, our cold water pressure is great. hot, for some reason is another story. it just trickles out. it takes forever to fill the tub, let alone a pool.

we managed to get enough water that she was trying to relax in the hot pool when our midwife arrived around 6:40pm. well after a brief discussion, and watching a few contractions, chris decided this baby was coming tonight, and sooner than later. she began setting her things out, and getting ready. i kept running out to check on the boys, and then back to check on my wife. then around 7:40pm our doula arrived. (she had a longer drive than chris).

at first, this was a little awkward for me. our first birth was at a hospital, but not drugged. i felt like a valuable member of the team as i coached my wife, and helped in some small way to bring harry into the world. our second birth, was our first home birth, and again, i was very connected to my wife, and felt like my contribution, small as it was, was nevertheless important. now, we were well into labor, and i was making that connection with my love, and starting to work with her. now, here was this near stranger (to me) doing my job! it only took me running out between contractions to check on the boys one or two times before i arrived to see how our doula had been able to support my wife, and keep her in her groove without me. i still felt loved and valued, and now saw a good reason for a doula. she also kept an eye on the boys after the birth, so they didn't get too wild, and jump on mom or the baby, while i focused more on the newborn and mom.

many would ask, "why were the kids there? you should have known it would be a hassle!" perhaps. but they would have been devastated if they had missed the birth! they had been talking about it, and we had been preparing them for the bulk of the pregnancy. harry in particular, was looking forward to it more than christmas.

after a couple of contractions that brought with them the distinct urge to push, meemer decided she wanted more support than the pool was providing, and in between contractions, moved to the bed. the cool thing about midwives is how well they understand the natural process of birth, and how well the female body is programmed to accomplish this with very little outside help. just to remove any doubt, chris finally checked meemer (for the first time since chilly was born 3+years earlier) and confirmed that she was fully dilated, effaced, and ready to push.

meemer pushed with some contractions, and breathed through others. chris adjusted a "lip" during some of these. (this happened with chilly too. i don't understand it fully, but somewhere between the uterus, cervix, vagina, and the outside world, something wasn't quite lined up perfectly.) another reason we opted for a home birth with a midwife. instead of who knows what kind of complications, panic, and a possible c-section, chris made a minor adjustment, and everything was ready.

another contraction hit, and meemer announced "here he comes!" harry and chilly jumped up on the bed next to mom, and i moved around by chris. from what i remembered from the previous births, you got glimpses of the head for a few pushes before the actual birth. since i could see none of this, i was telling harry "in a few minutes... you still have a little time." luckily they listened to mom because the next thing we knew, there was a tiny head poking out! tiny and blue, and looking just like both his older brothers did at birth!

the next thing i know, at 8:33pm, chris has guided the shoulders through, and he shot out into my arms! that's right. i got to catch! it had been an option with chilly, but i was busy with a drowsy harry and we just watched. this time, i got my wish. there is something amazing about new life, particularly when it shoots into your open arms, wiggling and starts to cry! i can't describe the feeling as i held my son for the first time, and as i handed him to his mommy. it was very cool! the other amazing thing about this particular moment, was seeing this dark bluish-purple head, and almost instantly, hearing the cry, and seeing a beautifully pink and healthy baby in my hands!

mommy held the baby, daddy and the big brothers looked on in wonder. a few minutes later, harry, our big first-grader who has undying interest in science and biology, cut the umbilical cord. he was so careful and afterward was so proud! it made him feel like such a big part of the new phase of our family.

after pushing out the placenta, mom and baby climbed back into the pool for a quick bath. i then needed help from mom as i stumbled to dress him. i felt so awkward and out of practice! then i took harry and chilly, and tried to convince them to go to sleep. they were so hyper and excited, but eventually they fell asleep. i rejoined mom in just staring at our beautiful little boy! after some final help and advice, our doula left, and i helped chris take her equipment back out to her car. now, with a baby just over three hours old, we did a little more staring, and then settled in for a restless night.

it was such a wonderful experience, and so fulfilling. our family bonded through this miracle, and our biggest challenge now, is getting harry and chilly to wait for their little brother to grow big enough to play with! i was glad we all were there to witness the miracle of new life, and see the divine design of it all. take away the excitement of the moment, the fascination at the science of it, and you realize that it is one of the most spiritual experiences a family can have! i am grateful to have each of these three boys who have joined my beautiful wife and i in this family.

my three sons

2007-01-31T10:31:00.001-07:00

well, there are many possible posts from a third birth. how the parents are suddenly outnumbered, how the baby is now a "middle child," and how sleeping through the night is a thing of the past. i know there are more, and if i get back into the blogging habit, maybe those will come up. this is basically the background for the birth story of #3 which will follow shortly.

it begins a little differently than the other two. i mean we were quite comfortable with two, and were pretty content, but somehow, we decided that we needed another one. (yes, we decided that we wanted a girl, but that's another post...) once deciding to have another, things were back to normal. i.e. month after month of trying, and negative pregnancy tests. after many monthly disappointments, we realized that our next shot was a january birth. this is a bad thing since between my wife and my families, january is littered with birthdays. there was little chance of the baby having it's own birthday. of course, after trying to conceive for that many months, you don't really care about what month the baby is born in, just so it exists!

we decided to keep trying, figuring that since nobody wanted another january birthday, murphy's law may just help us achieve what we had missed for almost a year. (i know that anything under a year isn't considered a long time, and i'm not really complaining, but when you are surrounded by people who can get pregnant by thinking about sex, it gets frustrating!)

naturally it worked. if we could just avoid yet another miscarriage, we would be on track for the late january arrival of #3. everything went well, and that's when things started to be different again. everything from how my wife felt, to how the baby was positioned, to our feelings and impressions were very different than both of the previous pregnancies. naturally this assured us that this time we would get a girl. you wouldn't believe the charts, schedules, measurements etc. involved in not only getting pregnant, but in trying to influence the gender! (another post.)

we had ultrasounds with 1 and 2, but had never found out the gender before. this was another difference. our other boys were summer babies. this was winter. regardless of sex, we wouldn't have the appropriate clothing. combined with other pressures, we caved and decided to find out. that was so wierd! we had months to go, and we already knew we were going to be the parents of three boys. three! boys! i still think i like the surprise better, but i guess it was good that we had time to adjust our thinking.

well, months later, we were ready. really ready. especially my wife. as strong, and persistant as she is, she was tired, and ready carry him in her arms instead of her belly. so he didn't come early. that's ok. he did come, and he and mom are healthy and adjusting well. the birth story will be my next post, and i promise it won't wait for months!

is it just a phase, or is it paranoia?

2006-11-06T09:39:00.000-07:00

i have no clear recollection of how this all began. i think it had something to do with some weird sunday morning pbs show, but i’m not sure. somehow, the idea that ears never stop growing was introduced to my 6-year-old. so what you say? well, i'll tell you...

my son is what we call spirited. not in the euphemistic way most parent refer to demon children in, but in the clinical definition of people with above average sensitivities. he's not abnormal, he is just more sensitive. in almost every way. he is very sensitive to light, sound, touch, etc. but he is also sensitive in spirit. he is very concerned about other people, what they're feeling, and what they think about him. example... last night, he shot his little brother in the eye with a suction-cup dart gun. guess who was more upset? sure the 3-year-old cried for a bit, but that was mainly because he was tired. big brother, on the other hand, tried to hide behind the furniture, and didn't want anyone to see him, because he felt so bad, and anyone looking at him, intensified his guilt because he's so sensitive to what others think about him

sorry, long set-up, but you need to know about his concerns and sensitivities to what others see when they look at him.

on the other hand, he is 6. i'm guessing that we are in a phase, where he has to ask questions multiple times before he is satisfied. i don't know if he just isn't listening, or if he doesn't believe me, or if his short-term memory is malfunctioning, or if he is just trying to cheese me off... anyway, this all leads to yesterday's question du jour...

"do people's ears really get this big?"

i honestly heard this question no less than 18 times from him yesterday, and that was all after i had explained the situation thoroughly:

yes, ears keep growing, but they grow slowly. no, they don't get as big as an elephant. no, they don't hurt. yes, they do keep growing. look at grandpa, his ears are bigger than mine! no, yours won't get that big until you are old. no you won't look like that, because your head will get bigger first. yes, your ears will keep growing. i'm as big as i'm going to get. (at least i won't get taller, and my head is about the size it will be from here on out...) when i get older, my ears will be a little bigger. yes, about that big. no, not bigger. no, not until i'm old. yes your ears will too, when you're old. no, not now. yes, ears really do keep growing. etc.

this was in the morning. all day long, out of the blue, with a deeply concerned look on his face, he would ask again, hands over ears, "do people's ears really get this big?"

so i ask you... is this a normal 6-year-old phase, or have i made him paranoid?

9 years, and counting

2006-09-05T21:19:00.000-06:00

well, time has flown! it's hard to believe that nine years ago, i married meemer, and started my family life.

it seems like i have some of the same emotions every year... that it, the paradox of: "i can't believe it's already been nine whole years!" contrasted with, "it feels like we've always been together, how can it only have been nine years?"

while that is a bit less so this year... (nine years feels about right.) i think it's because we have a six-year-old child to mark the time by. that, and memories of my single life seem more distant and foreign than ever.

don't get me wrong... sometimes it seems wierd that i've been married for nine years. but that's basically when i'm wondering how i can be as old as i am. how can i have kids and all that, 'cause i don't feel that old.

most of the time nine years seems about right. i do still often feel that nine years can't possibly be all that we've been married. it feels like forever. (not the bad "forever!") just that i really feel like meemer and i have been together a lot longer than that. i have to say that i truly believe the old cliche'. i honestly feel like i've known meemer longer than i have in this life.

she is my soul mate. she knows me and understands me like no one else. i would rather be with her, than with anyone, anywhere, doing anything. really. call it corny, call it co-dependent, call it crazy, i love my wife and kids, and would rather be with them.

the sad part is, after i've known her for over 10 earth years, (and who knows how long before that) you'd think i'd be better at taking care of her... of avoiding things that frustrate her... of neglecting things that i know she wants me to do...

yes... i'm a man. and like most men, i don't deserve my wife. i am blessed beyond reason, and i can't imagine life without her. she will soon bring a third child into our family, and there is no one i would rather be with to face this new challenge than her. she is my life, my joy, my princess, and my world. she is my wife! and on this, our anniversary, i am even more grateful for the blessing of being married to her!

i love you min. more than ever. and thank you!

dum, dum-dum, dum, dumb!

2006-08-05T21:41:00.000-06:00

what a great day! this is what saturdays are supposed to be! if only they could be...

we got stuff done, don't fret. i slept in a minute or two. (big c was up earlier than anyone else wanted to be). i got up, fed the boys, and headed outside before it got too hot. i fired up the weed-eater, and edged the shaggy lawn, then i mowed it. on days like today, i don't mind having a smaller backyard! it was really long back there. it looks so much better!

anyway, on to the fun... meemer had a fabulous idea, so we went to the beach today!

i know, you're thinking, "wait a sec, big d and fam are in utah... they don't have beaches. i guess some of the shoreline of the great salt lake resembles a beach, but the bugs, and the smell!!! not the beach!"

well, don't get so hoity-toity! what else do you call the big sandy thing on the edge of a large body of water? especially when talking to a 3 and 6 year-old?

it's even less like a real beach because we didn't even go to the great inland sea which gives our capital city its name. we went to a resevoir in the mountains. we spent over 4 hours at pineview (aka slimeview) up ogden canyon. while not the ocean, it had a beach which provided all three of us boys with plenty of sand castles and moats, and dams and ponds! it had water to swim and bob on tubes! it even had waves! (provided by the myriad of boats pulling people on skis, and tubes).

it was a gorgeous day! bright blue sky, a few puffy white clouds over the mountains, temps in the high 80's, maybe low 90's! the water varied from cold to quite warm, (being churned up by all the boats). the mountains around the lake were still green and beautiful. it was wonderful!

so let's get to the "dumb" part(s).

our first big mistake... we left the cameras home. there wouldn't be any of us, since even though meemer is beautiful and looks great in a swim suit (you'd never know she was 14 weeks pregnant!) she is a bit self-conscious, and i myself was on the look-out for captain ahab! but the boys, are another story. besides being cute and having perfect, tan little bodies, they were doing some of the most adorable things. playing in the castle moat, being partially burried in the sand, bobbing on the waves in their little floaty-tubes, etc. a lot of fun!!!

secondly, my current color. let me remind you, not only was it over 4 hours, but it was about 12:30 to 4:30. the hottest part of the day. bearing in mind the conditions i mentioned, it felt great! it didn't feel "hot." between sunscreen and the fact that the boys have meemer's beautiful skin, they did just fine. as for me... i still have my farmer tan, except now what was pasty white is now lobster red. you'd think i'd learn... i seem to do this a couple of times every year.

now, however, (after solarcaine and ibuprofen) i can sit hear and remember all the fun, and post my mistakes. we'll see what tomorrow brings...

all-in-all, it was a perfect day! a great break from the routine, and definitely something "fun" the boys have been wanting!

thanks meemer!

it's croup-tastic!

2006-07-13T10:21:00.000-06:00

so how do you top a trip to nauvoo with 3 people with strep? you have at least one of them with croup on the way home!

don't pity me... i was already in nauvoo. pity my meemer, who drove out here with two boys with strep, had strep herself, and her mom. (her mom was helping, not part of the reason for pity!)

we had a great time in nauvoo, and did a lot of neat things. i'll elaborate in another post, when we get moved back into our house, and i have more time...

while there, the strep seemed to clear up, but both boys had fevers and stomach aches. they both had nasty rattling coughs, and by the time we headed west... well, lets just say it made for a fun ride!

luckily harry was feeling better by the time we left missouri. chilly, a bit behind, was just warming up. literally. he was not a happy camper across nebraska. (who is? but he was sick too!)

by wyoming, his cough sounded like there were a lot of loose parts that were trying to come out, and the inhale wheezed like darth vader. luckily they both slept basically from rawlins grandma's house.

in short we made it! it is good to be home! it's hard to believe i was gone over two weeks! it seemed a lot longer while i was there by myself. now i can't believe it was that long...

yes. it's good to be home!

just hours away!!!

2006-07-08T08:41:00.000-06:00

so last night was the opening of the pageant. just as any opening night would, we had wet paint, and i was working on stuff after the show had started. unlike most opening nights, (outside the church) the miracles we have been blessed with so far continued to increase including some major ones to make last night succeed.

the most important part of the whole story is that my family gets here in just a few hours!!!

that's right. after almost two weeks, i will finally get to see my family!

it has been incredibly busy. busier than anticipated. 16 hours almost every day. the down side is, everyone is exhausted. the good part is that the time went by faster. even so, i have missed my family a lot!

yes, this is the work of the lord, and i'm blessed to be a part of it. still, i absolutely hate travelling for work! even just overnight. i don't want to do it. even when things are really busy, and i'm working the 16 hour days, if i can at least sleep in my own bed and spend any time with my wife and boys, it makes all the difference.

sorry. i know alot of people travel for work. many, a lot more than me. many even enjoy it. they're not me. call it immature, call it weak, call it co-dependence. i love my family more than anything in this world, and i would rather be with them than doing anything by myself.

so there!

e-postcards from the nauvoo pageant

2006-06-30T12:26:00.000-06:00

i decided to do a quit entry at lunch, just to share some pictures of what's going on.

this is the stage, as seen from the newly graded field, with unpainted lighting towers lying in front of it.

these are the condos we are staying at. nice accomodations, but definitely not home.

here is a crane placing one of the lighting towers on the base.

here is the base of the tower being bolted to the foundation.

we're still behind schedule, but the weather has been much cooler than last year, and today has been overcast with occasional sprinkles, and just downright pleasant. overall, things are going well. i just miss my family, and can't wait for them to get here, (next week!)

lonely already!

2006-06-27T21:41:00.000-06:00

well, i'm travelling on business. actually, i'm in nauvoo illinois, working on the pageant. it is night one of my stint away from home and family. i'm busy, and i like my work, but i still hate being away from my family.

just so you know.

excuses, excuses...

2006-06-07T21:24:00.000-06:00

i know nobody cares, because nobody reads this... especially when i only post once a week or so. but just in case anyone visits occasionally, and is wondering if i died, i thought i'd assure you that i haven't.

things are quite busy at work right now, and will be for a few more weeks. this will culminate with me being on the road for a couple of weeks. i'm sure i'll both have time and subject matter during that stint...

in the mean time, put on your favorite hold music!

finally! he's three! (already?!?)

2006-05-31T00:20:00.000-06:00

three years ago we were blessed with one of the most wonderful and amazing experiences a family can have! just before one in the morning, i ran to wake up big h, and bring him into our bedroom where my beautiful wife was about to give birth to our second child.

yes, we had him at home. yes, it was planned that way. no, we're not crazy. (i think reasons, and rationale would be another post...)

we had a good experience with big h too. it was in the hospital, but completely natural. for our second time around, we had done some more research, found a great midwife, and felt inspired to try a home birth. it is a much different experience. instead of foreign surroundings, strange noises, and busy stranges, we enjoyed the comfort of home, quiet conversation, and the company of our experienced midwife, and two excited (if nervous) grandma's.

well, to keep a long, but beautiful story short, we all enjoyed the thrill of a new life entering the world, and our family. the spirit world seldom feels as near, as when the miracle of life is being witnessed. it was truly an amazing, spiritual, family bonding event. the memories are so strong and so sweet, i can scarcely believe it has been three years already! (on the other hand, sometimes big c acts like a full-on teenager.) for another perspective, and for more pix, including from earlier in big c's life, check out meemer's world!

well, the years have flown by. they have been filled with fun. following standard procedure, we learned a lot from our first child. (as the firstborn myself, i know all about the experimentation that goes on...) we promised that instead of looking forward to each new first, as we did with big h, we would enjoy the phase that big c was in. by and large we have done that.

whether or not that mindset contributed to his being spoiled or not, i can't say. i can say he has been spoiled. he is the youngest, and therefore just naturally gets spoiled. yes, big h has more pictures, but had to put up with more first-time-parent anxiety. big c has had it good.

well as you can see from these pictures, big c is a happy, energetic, ball of hyper energy. he is a lot of fun! (except when he is running so wild you fear for his safety, and that of those around him!) he has been very friendly, with a ready smile, and mile-a-minute jabber mouth!

plus, he is so cute, that he tends to get off easy, or avoid getting punished at all. he has the uncanny ability to make you laugh just before you are about to lose your temper. you can imagine how often he gets his way just because he is so darned adorable!

he is so much more free, and "in the moment" than his big brother. (big h is quite serious...) i have learned easily as much from him as from our first child! big c has such an eager and excited outlook on life, that it is contagious. you can't help but notice simple things again, as though for the first time. it is fun to put aside the adult understanding, and enjoy the wonder and majesty of our world!

i have also been reminded of how much love can fit in a small package. he may not be as expressive physically, as big h, but he can convey his love with a smile, or just the way he looks into your soul with his deep brown eyes.

he is never wanting for entertainment. he can amuse himself for hours with the simplest things. (of course water is always high on the list!) again, a lesson for me. find joy in the moment, and in what you have.

like his brother, big c would much rather do about anything than sleep. there is so much to do, and learn, and enjoy, that sleep is a nuisance. of course we know just how vital it is! and if you can just get him to give in, or distract him for a moment, the activity of the day catches up with him fast!

the imagination of youth never ceases to amaze me. with him, it is total, and convincing. when he is being a t-rex, he is almost as realistic as the tyrannosaur in jurassic park. (except he is blonde and lacks a tail!) when he and big h aren't fighting, they are completely immersed in the world of their imagination!

and so big c, i thank you. for the uncharted love, and vast knowledge you have given me in the three years you have been in our family, i am grateful! i love you, and want everyone to know how special and important you are to dad. my family is more precious to me than any position, possession, or past-time. you are a unique and integral part of it, and i look forward to getting to know you even better as you continue to grow!

hippie power!

2006-05-18T18:30:00.000-06:00

ok, you've caught me. i do watch tv. i even watch some reality tv. i quite enjoy the amazing race!

have you every considered what a task it would be to put that show together? think about it. in the beginning, you have at least 12 cameras and camera operators. while that decreases as teams are eliminated, there are still hours and hours of unused footage. i give props to the editing team on this one. i can't imagine the time and effort it takes to go through hundreds of hours of tape to distill the forty-some-odd minutes that are broadcast!

what about the crew that put together all the pit stops, and interviews? what about the team that makes all the logistical arrangements for each road-block, detour, and fast forward? my point is, it is a tremendous undertaking, and there is a ton of hard work that most people never even imagine.

i'm not saying they need the recognition. the anonymity is part of the role they play. i am saying, that "reality tv" is still carefully crafted, and to some extent, scripted. think about it. they choose teams based on colorful personalities, and the possibility of conflict. that unseemly base of "drama" that, despite our denials, draws us to reality tv.

i suspect that many of the challenges are designed to favor certain teams. i suspect that the tv cameras are more influential than pleading teams, in getting people on full flights. and i'm certain that the tireless team of editors carefully selects their clips to shape public opinion of teams, and even lead us all to cheer for the winners. (they know who won before the first episode hits the air!)

look closely. would michelle be that happy, and continue to stick with lake if he was really the ornery redneck the selective editing portrayed his to be? could mojo really be as disfunctional as they seemed all season, and then be so tender and mutually supportive when they were eliminated? how else could the ray and yolanda be so in love when it seemed they bickered through most events? how else could the frat boys seem so straight?

and the hippies. are they really that carefree and happy? were they really enjoying themselves regardless of their place in the standings, or struggles during tasks? are there piles of footage on the cutting room floor of them arguing, plotting, and being mean or deceptive to other teams?

does it matter?

my point is, whether the amazing race is "reality tv" or just a carefully crafted competition with real people, this was a good season. beyond the eye-opening glimpses we get into other lands and cultures. beyond the tasks that we all wanted to try, or avoid at all costs, but were so much fun to watch. beyond the teams we loved, or hated. (or were led to love or hate by editing.) this glorified game-show had a message.

yes, a message. i hope it was on purpose. and given "the amazing race family edition," i like to think it was intentional. simply, enjoy the moment, enjoy the opportunities, and enjoy the people you have chosen to "race" with.

crafted, fixed, fake, or not, we wanted the hippies to win, and they did. we were on the edge of our seats until they fulfilled our hopes. why? the hippies were excited with each destination. they were thrilled to participate in the tasks, and they had fun together, and encouraged each other. by and large they were nice to the other teams, (at least until the toward the end, and even then they weren't bitter or spiteful).

in the end, whether we saw things as they naturally happened, or our opinions truly were shaped by the creators of the show, it was a good finish. real or fake, we shared in the wonders of our world, the bonds of love and friendship that lifted teams above the struggles, and even after there was frustration, there was love and support.

with any luck, the collective "we" have been encouraged to: (1) be more giving and supportive, (at least to our loved ones), (2) to see the beauty and wonder in the world and people around us, (especially our loved ones), (3) are motivated to get off the couch, or our of the house and try new things, and above all, (4) try to enjoy the moment.

if such is the case, ttow!

happy mother's day!

2006-05-14T21:30:00.000-06:00

to all the mothers who sacrifice so much for their kids. who go without, and do without, and don't complain. you are the backbone of the civilized world! in a very real way, you make carry the world on your shoulders! it is a huge task, and is fraught with challenges. we owe you everything! thank you. god bless you in your efforts!

tee time for big h

2006-05-08T22:12:00.000-06:00

but not golf, baseball. or more accurately, tee-ball.

that's right, today was big h's first practice, of his first organized sport, which is his first extra-curricular activity. i don't know who was more excited, mom and dad, or him. ok, that's a lie. i do know that we were much more excited than he was!

if you couldn't guess from my previous post, i'm not the athletic type. i'm the artsy type that the athletic type like to harass. well, that stops here. no, i don't mean i want my boy to be the athletic type. but i do want him to be more well-rounded than i was. instead of living vicariously through him, i get to learn all the sports stuff with him. 20+ years too late.

not that i didn't have the chances. i did tee-ball and soccer when i was a boy. i just wasn't all that good at them, so i didn't have too much fun, so i quit. i limit myself to sand volleyball, and mountain biking. (not that i'm great at these, but i am good enough to enjoy myself).

big h, on the other hand, doesn't quit. he will work at it until he is good. like the first time we put him on ice skates, and after a little frustration, he had to go all the way around the olympic oval! like the first time he went roller skating. we ended up buying him roller blades, and he practiced until he's comfortable.
his school had a skate party, and this time, on his blades instead of the rental skates, he had a great time at the rink. probably skating as well as me. he's still young enough that you absorb like a sponge, and learn fast. plus he's determined enough to try and practice and work at it. he knows that with a little practice, he'll be able to hit, throw, and catch as well as anyone on his team.

anyway, we have now reached a new level. we have begun a new phase. he now has another sphere beyond our family, beyond his sunday school class, and beyond his kindergarten class. in one short practice, i watched him grow. i watched him put aside his shyness and thank his coach. i watched him get hit by the ball as he tried to catch the ball. even after the one that made him cry, (hit him right in the throat) he was getting better at tracking the ball. (not shying away from it as i always did). i watched him try new things, right in front of strangers. if you know our sensitive, shy boy, who has a difficult time adapting to change, you know what a huge step it is for him.

but that really is the point of kids sports, isn't it? it's not about winning, or seeing which parents can curse the loudest, or beat-up the other parents. (i'm not talking about any of the parents here, just the nut jobs you see on the news who follow the coach to his car and beat him up because he didn't leave their kid in the game long enough, or who are beating up other parents because they were cheering for the other team. we'll see if what happens at the first game in a couple of weeks). it really is about making new friends, having fun playing a game, and building self-esteem by learning new skills, and developing them. it's about having a good excuse to play catch with my son. it's about having a new set of reasons to spend time with, give attention to, and praise, and teach my son. i hope i can remember all this, and take advantage of the opportunities it provides me to enjoy my boy, and grow closer to him. that's what it truly is about.

"i was happy..."

2006-05-08T21:31:00.000-06:00

"...at the ballet." so goes the line from a melancholy show tune. i don't know why, i guess i just feel clever when i use a quote or lyric for my post title. even if it's too obscure for most people to get. (anyway, despite the childhood hardships, the three women agree that "everything was beautiful, at the ballet," in the musical, "a chorus line").

as for the post... we went to a ballet. all four of us! it's not very often you get to take your kids, especially almost 6 and almost 3 year olds, to a ballet. well, we got to, and it was quite enjoyable.

the doorbell rang friday afternoon, and our next-door-neighbor explained that they had something come up, and they couldn't use the tickets they had, and wondered if we could use them, or knew someone who could. we're so grateful they thought of us! we were excited. i mean, my lovely wife and i both did a lot of theatre in school. in fact, that is how we met. obviously, we look forward for opportunities to share our passion for performing arts with our boys. unfortunately their ages, and my paycheck typically hinder such experiences.

this, however was ideal. it is fairly new ballet company that specializes in teaching. the average age of the dancers in this performance was 12! this was the second season of their original ballet of "the secret garden." it was to be a family event, and the tickets were for a matinee performance and everything. we figured we could dress up, go to the show, and then have dinner. you know, make a family date of it. only one problem...

our soon-to-be six-year-old, big h, had an invitation to a birthday party at the same time. no, our firstborn doesn't wear the pants in our house. but we wanted him to choose this, so he wouldn't resist, making a miserable time for all. it was a long conversation covering everything about the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one, how fun the ballet would be, how the birthday boy at the party isn't very nice to him at school, and finally, this is a one-time offer. he was convinced. he went. he had a great time. he said he was happy with his choice!

anyway, all dolled up in "sunday clothes," we headed for ogden. another plus for the whole event, was that the performance was at the beautifully restored peery's egyptian theater. as expected, big h got a kick out of the facade, and the details in the lobby. plus, the egyptian boasts one of only two known "atmospheric" ceilings in the country. that is, as show time approaches, the blue "sky" turns orange, and progresses through the purple and red of sunset, and has stars that appear as it gets dark. it's all designed as though the seats of the auditorium are in a courtyard in egypt. very fun!

well, we thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. the costumes were wonderful and colorful and fun. the sets were simple but beautiful and effective, (designed by my old scenic design professor!). the dancing was remarkable for the age of the dancers. it was all very well done. the boys both made it through. (with a good amount of play-by-play from us). it was quite different for them. a story, with no words!? just music, movement, costumes, and imagination!

so despite my worries about taking our young boys, "i was happy, at the ballet!"

i gotta get away!

2006-05-03T11:11:00.000-06:00

where has my motivation gone? i can't seem to get enough sleep at night, and i'm not staying up late. i can't get up in the mornings early enough to exercise. i'm having a hard time focusing at work. i can't commit to any of the projects that need to be done around the house. i can't think of anything to make for dinner. i can't seem to do much of anything other than some occasional reading or sudoku.

i think i need a vacation.

one of my co-workers just got back from a week in disneyland. he is happy, energetic, and motivated. i hate him. ok, i guess i just envy him.

i need something like that. not a week in disneyland, i couldn't afford that. (especially with gas prices. another rant for another post!) i do need more than i am getting on regular weekends.

my kindergartener doesn't go off track until may 25. i will be in the middle of a busy time at work, but if i can't get a vacation of some kind, i won't be productive enough to use the time i would miss! seriously. my only motivation now, is to get things moving well enough at work, that i can miss a week or so.

of course, i have no idea what to do or where to go... we need to get away. away from home, work, and the daily routine. for at least four days! the longer the better. anybody have suggestions for cheap vacations in utah? (with our limited travel budget, we have to stay closer to home in favor of being gone longer.)

it's crazy i know. it's the only solution i can think of, and i really need to do something!

i'm back, and i feel great!

2006-04-27T11:01:00.000-06:00

i guess it's been a whole week since i last blogged. you didn't miss much. it wasn't incredibly eventful. the weather has been nice, so we have been outside a lot more. we got the bikes cleaned up and ridable. we have had some great rides too!

anyway, i don't know if some kind of bug went through our house or what, but we were all tired. very tired. it didn't matter when we went to bed or got up, we were just tired. whatever it was, hopefully it's done. being more cautious about bedtime (for us as well as the kids) has helped.

i managed to get up early enough to exercise this morning. (only the second day so far this week...) see, i was up later than i should have been all weekend, so i knew sunday night that i wasn't getting up to exercise monday. tuesday i was tired, but managed to get a short ride on the exercise bike. yesterday, i was so tired, instead of getting up, or hitting snooze, i reset the alarm and went back to sleep. last night, i got to bed at a decent time, so this morning wasn't bad.

--sorry, quick little sidebar. last night wasn't a decent time. it was too early. i just meant that in order to get up early enough to work out before my bus, i have to get to bed! i like staying up late. i hate mornings. throughout college and the first half of my working life i was a theatre guy. that meant late night work. rehearsals, shows, and the social life came after. bedtime was routinely 2am! it didn't matter, because i didn't have to get up early. it was very conducive to my personality. i met the beautiful meemer in the theatre dept. at weber state university, and in our marriage, little changed. we both liked the later schedule. it wasn't until a couple years later, when we had "real jobs" (or at least jobs that started by 9am) that our peace was disrupted.
ok, that wasn't a quick rant... there's a lot more there, but i'd better get back to relevant stuff. (not that it matters...)--

i was feeling good enough this morning, (still tired, but only one "snooze") i hit the treadmill. instead of the walk a lap, run a lap thing i'd been doing, i decided to run steady. (of course, by run, i mean jog. leisurely.) after a warm-up lap, i jogged steady for 1.5 miles. that's six laps. i know that's not much for those of you who are in shape, but for me, that was pretty good. what really made me feel good, was that i could have kept going, but i needed to get ready for work.

after a cool-down lap, (making a total of two miles) i stretched, shaved, showered, and caught the bus. i enjoyed some reading, and got right into some projects at work. that doesn't sound like anything, but for me it was a big deal. i was motivated! it has been hard lately to get focused on any given task.

i don't know if it had anything to do with the exercise or not, but i do know that for the first time since i started working out, i feel great! walking from the bus to my office, i felt good. i was awake, i had already accomplished something, and i just felt good.

hopefully i can build on that, and be more faithful about the whole thing...

tag! i'm it...

2006-04-20T13:43:00.000-06:00

and i mean it. the only blogs i read have already been tagged, so the tag ends here. that's fine. i think the only people who really read my blog are the ones who tagged me. so here's six things about me that are unusual or unknown.

1- i sort my candy by color or flavor, and eat them in order from least favorite to favorite. usually ending with green (skittles, m&m's, etc) or with rootbeer bottlecaps, banana runts, cinnamon jelly beans, etc.

2- i have to eat snacks in odd numbers. especially candy, cookies, etc. i will usually eat three, and then if i eat more, it will be in pairs, or counted out even numbers to ensure that the total number will be odd.

(my fabulous wife is helping me with these ocd issues, and i am improving).

3- i'm a bit of a perfectionist. i don't think that's strange at all. this isn't just on major projects. simple daily things are included, like completely spreading my bread. whether buttering toast, or making pb&j, it is smooth, even, and right to the very edge of the crust, all the way around. again, i don't see what the big deal is, but my sweet wife points out how odd it is.

4- i'm a trekkie. we don't have cable, so i don't get to watch tng anymore, and i never had a complete uniform, (although i want one) but i do have a lot of reference books, and can explain how replicators, transporters, and warp drive work.

5- i would rather be home, or doing something with my family than anything else. i have no hobbies, or social life outside of work. i miss mountain biking, backpacking, etc. but not enough to spend any of my time away from work doing them, unless my family, or at least my beautiful wife can join me. (i promise, i'm not trying to sound cool or say what women like to hear. i list it as a weird thing about me because everyone i know has a "guys night out," or goes to games or events with friends. it's not only because i don't really have friends, it's just that meemer is my best friend, and if we can't do something together, i just don't care to do it. maybe i'm co-dependent, or just waiting for my midlife crisis. oh well. i'm happy).

6- on curvy roads, i will often change lanes, back and forth, to stay on the "inside track." it doesn't make a noticeable difference in distance or time, but psychologically, i'm saving gas!

in summary, i don't see how any of these things are "weird," but since they have either been pointed out to me as unusual, or i haven't known others to do them, i have chosen them as the six things that make me "normalcy challenged."

finally, as i began this post, i don't have anyone to tag, so it all ends here. so there!

"waiting is the hardest part..."

2006-04-17T15:49:00.000-06:00

i know corporate politics are nothing new. in fact they are common. everywhere. i just felt like venting a bit about the issue du jour.

see, i work in salt lake city, and an interesting fact about working for the corporation i do, is that no work will be done on monday evenings. nothing happens in any of the headquarters buildings on monday nights. in fact, the only employees that work on monday nights are a handful of security officers.

fast forward to tonight. monday. we have an outside production moving in to be presented for an invited audience tomorrow. they are scheduled for a full technical and dress rehearsal tonight. that means it's just like a performance, but without an audience. the obvious problem is, it's monday.

due to the tight schedule and the nature of the audience, the sponsor, (who we'll just say is a higher level of authority than any of us that are involved from three different departments, or our upper management), gave the ok to the group to hold this rehearsal.

enter the politics. two of the departments are standing by to support the rehearsal, knowing that there is a possibility that it may not happen. the third department is sticking by written policy, and is planning not to work tonight, unless they are authorized directly by the sponsor.

i'm not too concerned, knowing that my team has worked hard to ensure a good performance tomorrow, regardless of whether we rehearse tonight or not. since not all three departments can agree on tonight, the decision has to be made by the sponsor.

that still has not happened.

in less than two hours, cast members will begin arriving for the rehearsal, which will be less than effective if the one department isn't allowed to offer their support. on the other hand, without an official decision from the sponsor, we can't very well cancel the rehearsal either.

hence the dilemma. yet still we wait...

growing pains...

2006-04-13T12:52:00.000-06:00

nothing good comes for free. particularly growth. i am specifically referring to personal development. it seems like the experiences that develope us dramatically, are usually very difficult to get through. in the end, the growth is such that the trial seems worth the trouble it was. it is basically all we do, throughout our entire lives.

in the beginning it's pretty easy. we struggle to eat enough to grow our bodies. we fall down a lot learning to stand and walk. we say all kinds of funny things learning to talk, etc. as we get older, we continue to learn at a rapid pace. yes, school is full of various challenges, and is often a challenge in and of itself, but still we go and learn.

it seems like the more we know, the more we have to learn. enter the teenager. they think they have learned everything there is to know. the opportunities for growth adapt. hormones wreak havoc on old friendships and simple daily routines. this shakes things up to the point that school is still useful.

at some point we discover the opposite sex. we can now admit, that we don't know everything. we start dating, and we realize just how little we know. not just about them, but about ourselves. it all coincides nicely with becoming an adult.

first jobs stretch us in new ways. with the evolving expectations of parents, teachers, and other adults, we recognize that there is so much we don't know, we need to focus our education and experience to shape us into something we think we want to be.

enter college. the narrowed fields of study are helpful, but the real growth comes from interaction with a much larger, and more diverse group of peers. these years are filled with the most important events and choices. we understand what a long shadow they will have on our lives. but we still feel young and bold, and we plow ahead.

of course, growth doesn't stop at graduation. jobs become careers, and while much is learned, most of it seems to center around the job itself, and therefore, while important, doesn't resonate as having core importance. but like all other areas, if the growth is significant, it comes by way of heavy burdens. (in fact this whole post grew out of some stress i'm having at word at the moment.) my current job is a blessing. it has been re-invented in the last few years, but it is secure and rewarding. the salary may be less that what i'd like, but i think that is true of all but a very few. still it provides for our needs and has become increasingly rewarding personally. while i'm glad to be doing things i never imagined were in my reach, it has been a difficult transition. at the moment, i'm in the middle of a project that is challenging many aspects of the corporate environment i work in. i have been on other projects that have pushed the boundries, but never as a central figure, and never one sponsored by the president of the corporation!

it sounds much more glamorous than reality. i'm working with secretaries from the presidency's office, and the issues this project has raised are being resolved way above my level. even so, it is a whole new pressure for me. knowing my name is being tossed around above my head, and that regardless of the outcome, i'm in it. it is a complex project with groups from within and without the corporation, and chances are remote that all entities can be entirely satisfied. while nothing of any lasting import is my "fault," i remain very much in the middle of it all. anyway, that said, i'll get back to the larger post this particular situation spawned...

even as these various adventures, from school to the workplace, continue to mold us, we realize that the most important areas in which we hope to advance, are going to require help. the kind we can't get from peers. we find a friend of the opposite sex, who has the most to offer us, and who we hopefully have much to offer, and we marry. the learning now comes at a pace and depth that makes college look like kindergarten. it is a veritable treasure trove of knowledge we didn't know we didn't know. much of it stimulates growth in the very core of who we are. we now grow in fundamental ways. slowly, perhaps, but life-altering nonetheless. after all, how can two individuals who truly commit to be one, not change as the melding occurs?

many of us decide, well before we've finished learning from our spouse to have children. it's a whole new school! like marriage, most of the growth is internal. it is also an entirely different degree of difficulty. with another life involved, the responsibility alone is enough to make some falter. happily, there tends to be a much greater outpouring of love and joy to keep us going. beyond the joy, it is what we discover about ourselves, our tendancies, our fears, and our abilities that make the immense new workload seem justified.

and because kids grow as we did, but with completely individual personalities, this highest school is always changing, and our personal evolution continues. the ongoing change with children causes the marriage to morph as well, and it continues to be extremely effective at advancing us. naturally there are other "schools" that come as we age and grow, but none can rival the primal impact of the family. i'm grateful that families are forever, because i believe it will take me at least an eternity to learn all my family has to teach me.

...and the first shall be last.

2006-04-10T11:36:00.000-06:00

so because of an early meeting this morning, i didn't exercise. i was presenting at the meeting, so i caught the bus that would give me almost half an hour of buffer time to offset monday morning traffic.

i was glad i had planned for an extra fifteen minutes as we were at a crawl basically as soon as we hit the freeway. (i later learned of an accident in farmington). anyway, i was reading on the bus, as usual, oblivious to the world outside the bus. most of my reading this morning was in preparation for the meeting, but it still kept me fairly engrossed. (when i'm reading a novel, the ride flies by, even with heavy traffic).

the alarm on my recently recovered cell phone goes off letting me know i have twenty minutes until the meeting. (the alarm is early, because it's a good ten minute walk from my office to the meeting). i look up and notice we're in bountiful, but we're moving at close to freeway speeds. "no problem," i think. it's only about ten or fifteen minutes away. i've got time to spare.

well our bus driver decided that it was time for a change. the next time i look up to see where we are, it's because the driver has just come over the intercom to apologize that he had missed the exit.

that's right. a professional driver. this is what he does for a living. how many times a day does he drive this route?

-let me just take a quick moment to say, by and large, the utah transit authority does a great job. they can't be held responsible for traffic. (i'm really looking forward to the Front Runner commuter rail system!) but still, given the number of busses they operate, breakdowns are rare, and accidents are few. i mean, in the six or so years i've been commuting regularly on the bus, i've had a bus breakdown once, had busses not show up less than a dozen times, and until today, i've never had an unintentional detour.-

"ok," i think, "he'll just head back up 300 west and we'll just be a few minutes later. it will be tight, but i should still make it."

the driver then announces "300 west and 400 south," and the stop signal chimes. that's right, he decided just to run the route backwards! so instead of the third stop, i had to wait until like the eighth. i was still a few blocks away when my phone rang. not the alarm, but someone asking if i was coming.

yes! i am. the bus driver seems to have other plans, but i'll be there soon.

well, i finally walk in to hear the last part of a review of the fire-drill procedures. late, and probably not worth the wait, but i did show up!

i'm back. (with some help)

2006-04-08T23:31:00.000-06:00

so my lovely wife took our almost three-year-old and went to a class reunion planning meeting. our almost six-year-old stayed with me. it was good for both of them to get time one-on-one with a parent intead of each other. (they have been somewhat at odds lately...)

it worked out well, because almost six is a hard worker. he will work alongside mom or dad, and will work hard. he cleaned up his desk and toys while i cleaned up after breakfast. he picked up his room while i put laundry away. while i made our bed, he made his bed, and his brother's bed. we pooper-scooped the back yard. he swept the patio while i raked the lawn.

see what i mean? he didn't complain at all. he is a hard worker. we had fun together too.

when mom got back. we all went down the street to the first yard sale of the season! not anything exciting, but a couple of videos cheaper than a rental.

we then grabbed a late lunch (with sundaes for dessert!) and did some shopping. i don't know if anyone else found anything, but i did. it took a lot of work. no, really. the store was busy, and understaffed, so everything took longer. but after going through about ten pairs, i finally found a pair of running shoes!

so even though it was evening, and not morning, i joined my wonderful wife downstairs. she was flying on the exercise bike, so i went for a quick run on the treadmill. much different with decent shoes! i had a good run, and my feet feel great.

i know nobody cares about my feet, so i guess the important thing is that i exercised. so now that my foot is better, i'm determined to actually get up, and get my morning routine going again.

no really.

i guess we'll see in the next few days...

what once was lost, now is wet.

2006-04-07T21:10:00.000-06:00

but found all the same! well with all the hullabaloo at work, it was way after lunch. in fact it was basically time for my meeting when i left the office. but that's not important right now. what matters is, i walked over to the state office building, (reminding myself not to stop at the corner and catch a bus) went to the reception desk, and picked up my phone!

it was on. it had the time. it seems to be in good shape. i think there are a couple of new dings on the antanna, but it seems to work.

i now walk a couple of blocks the other way to the church office building (about 20 minutes late for the meeting) and stop by the cell office. they de-program the loaner, (that i never picked up because of my crazy morning) and re-program my phone. at one point, i was removing the battery to find the serial number, and my hands got wet. not a lot, but seriously, some water did drip out.

of course, since it had been sitting on a slushy sidewalk for who knows how long until mr. stateworker found it, i was just glad it worked!

so long story short, i have my phone back, and it works.

long story longer, i got to my meeting about 50 minutes late, but they were just starting. (or they were just waiting for me... i don't know which). even so, the meeting went well. it was interrupted with carryover hullabaloo from earlier in the day, and thus went long. about an hour longer than i wanted it to.

one of the downsides to this belated departure is that the busses running that time of day are the common public transit busses. this is bad, because i'm a regular commuter, and i'm used to the nice, greyhound type coaches the express route runs during peak hours.

i know. no point to any of this. but be honest. you'd rather ride the coach than the bus.

i'm lost!!!

2006-04-07T12:20:00.000-06:00

as i was getting off the bus home yesterday, i noticed that i was missing a small, but important, bump on my hip. my cell phone, normally attached to my waist with a belt clip, was missing. no phone, no clip. i frantically checked my pockets. i set my bag down and went back to my seat. i searched all over. i looked under all the seats in the area. nothing. my mind was racing.

the driver asked if it could have come off prior to boarding, and said he would look for it when he did his walk-through at the end of his run. of course, it could have come off earlier. i thought of my path through the slush and slop between my office and the bus stop. with that much snow on the ground, it could have fallen off, and i wouldn't have heard it hit the ground!

to clarify, it's not my phone, it belongs to my employer. i had my previous phone for over four years before it finally broke. i've had this one almost 6 months. crap!

well i got home and mentioned it to my brilliant wife, who suggested i call the office, and let them know so i wouldn't be responsible for any mis-use or fraudulent calls. they transferred my number to a loaner phone, which shut off my phone, and told me to look for a few days. if my phone didn't turn up by then, we would order a new one. as new as it was, there wasn't the normal replacement allowance, so it would probably be full price. my department would pay for it, not me, but i still felt terrible.

i kept calling my phone to check the voice mail, feeling distinctly out-of-touch with my world.

this morning, i got of the bus, and crossed to the other side of the street, and re-traced by steps between the bus stop and my office. nothing. the snow was melted, and the way clear, but no phone. crap! it's not in my office either. double-crap!!

well i promptly got handed a rush project, and still haven't been able to pick-up the loaner phone. i just periodically check my voice mail. luckily, most people use my office phone, which forwards to my cell if i don't answer. i've had all my calls at my desk today.

including one from my lovely wife. she told me she was forwarding an e-mail from a guy who found my phone. he works in the state building my bus stop is in front of. i have since e-mailed him, and hope to hear back soon. but this event tells two important details. my phone is no longer lost, and wasn't crushed by a car or anything. second, the snow and slush must not have destroyed it, because he was able to retrieve our e-mail address from the contact list!

after lunch, i'll pick up the loaner phone on my way to an afternoon meeting. with any luck, i'll be able to meet this man and reclaim my phone before that. if it's still in working order, they can reprogram it, and i'll be back in business! you don't realize how integrated cell phones have become until you go somewhere without one! it's almost frightening! as much as i love our modern technology, to some extent, our dependence on it, is in a way, sad.

how many times did batman fall?

2006-04-06T12:07:00.000-06:00

yes. i have fallen off the wagon. that is to say, i haven't exercised once this week. i have been so tired that i barely have the energy to continue making excuses. first it was the change to daylight savings time, which was only a part of the problem. then it was that my foot hurt. now i'm waiting to find some good shoes that don't hurt my feet, but that ignores the exercise bike.

of course, now that our 10:30pm show is no longer on, i can get to sleep earlier, and thus have a better hope of escaping the pull of my bed. i'll continue to look for good running shoes, and the change to replace the seat on the exercise bike.

talk about a total joke. if they don't want you to use it, why build it? or why bother with the hard, malformed, flat seat? would it really cost that much more to put a regular bike saddle on it? one that you can adjust the angle, etc. at least that way you could replace the stock saddle with a nice one... sorry. the seat is a joke, so i basically have to remove the "seat" and weld a post onto the base, so i can fit a nice bike saddle on it.

anyway, i want to get these little projects done, and i want to succeed at this. i don't like being lazy. (it's just easier than not) i don't like being fat. (i'd just rather eat than exercise) and more importantly, i want to learn from this latest fall from my path. like batman did. i don't know how often bruce wayne fell, but he obviously learned the lesson, because now he's batman. and really, if i can't learn from batman, who can i learn from? i am, of course, referring to the question repeated in "batman begins," from which we can all learn.

"why do we fall bruce? so we can learn to pick ourselves up."

"don't try to beat time"

2006-04-03T14:22:00.000-06:00

in the words of some forgotten song of the 80's, "time is just a creation, of man's imagination." how else do you explain something like daylight savings time?

to be clear, i don't mind dst. in fact the only time i really dislike it is when it starts each spring. i love the fall back portion. i think we should do that every friday night! we could make up for it by "springing forward" every monday about noon.

honestly, i used to think, why bother? lets just get rid of it. we have electricity, we don't care what time sunrise and sunset happen. how many farmers are left? they get up early anyway... they can continue that rugged tradition of rising with the sun and working all day. how does the rest of the world being one hour behind really effect them? they don't know or care. they can do everything they need to outside of daylight hours anyway.

now i work, and enjoy having the extra daylight to do stuff after i get home from work. that is part of what makes summer so vastly superior to winter! so i just go along with it, and don't complain.

except for the "spring ahead" phase. it doesn't matter what you do. you change your clocks and go to bed early, and all that. the result? you lost an hour, and you're tired, and it takes your body a few days to get used to it. (unfortunately the extra hour in the fall doesn't seem to register on the body at all.)

well, i now have a child in school, so the frustration grows. "time for bed!" we say. "it's not dark!" they reply. have you ever tried to explain this little bit of time manipulation to a five-year-old? not easy. i know we'll be fighting that for a long time to come. especially in a month or two when sunset won't even be close when we send him to bed!

alas, it doesn't end there. dst has thrown off my exercise schedule. despite my foot pain from last tuesday on the treadmill, i faithfully rode the exercise bike wednesday and thursday. i was up plenty early on friday, but had to leave for early meetings at work. (i'm sorry. i flatly refuse to get up before six unless: (1) the house is on fire, (2) we're leaving on vacation, (3) no. i guess it's just the two.)

anyway, i fully intended to keep going with my exercise. however, not only was my body off an hour, i had a really restless night. i don't know what the deal was, i just didn't sleep. knowing the way my brain works, i kept thinking, "i've lost an hour, morning will come soon, i must sleep!" which of course you can't do. at least i can't force myself to sleep. it has to just happen.

so at six this morning, my alarm goes off. i had honestly looked at the clock at like four-fifty-something. (and two-something, several one-somethings, etc.) i was dead tired. plus i was finally sleeping. i reset the alarm for seven and went back to sleep. and i slept.

tomorrow, i'll try to get up at six again. (unless i have another restless night...)

i think i pulled something!

2006-03-29T11:10:00.000-07:00

i was wondering how long it would take to feel the effects of exercise. i mean the positive effects. so far, i only feel like i've already accomplished something by the time i'm riding the bus into work.

how about the negative effects? well i have learned from my past. several times, i vowed to get into shape, and started working out in one form or another. the result? i either couldn't exercise the next day, or i couldn't move at all! you take a day or two off to recover, and you never get back into it.

this time i was careful. i took it easy, and so far so good. i mean i can certainly feel that some muscles have been used much more than they're used to. i must have done something right though, because it's not really pain. it's just an awareness.

as far as yesterday goes... my first day on the new treadmill... i hate running. (running is for escaping danger, or catching your children before they run into danger.) ok, sometimes it's for catching a bus. i have on occasion had to run over half a block to catch it! the result? i invariably feel shin splints coming on as i board the bus, and by the time i get off the bus and walk to my car, they're rather distracting.

i don't know if it was the extra time i took stretching out afterward, or that the shock-absorbing cushioning the treadmill claims to have is actually working, but i didn't get any yesterday. i was feeling pretty good.

as the day went on, however, i began having a pain in the side of my right foot. kind of unusual. it almost feels like i'm walking on a bruise. but only when i'm on it. when i feel it, or try to massage it, i can't find a pain source! i have no pain when i'm not walking on it. i have full function of all toes, without pain. it only hurts when i walk on it.

determined not to let that get me, i was back on the exercise bike this morning. which was fine, i had planned on rotating back and forth anyway. i may be on the bike more than i thought... hopefully it's not a big deal, and will heal quickly.

i didn't mean this to be any kind of pity-party, but it seems to have grown beyond a report on my progress. sorry. i guess if there is anything to this post, it's that in my very limited, three-day experience, exercise isn't as bad as i'd dreaded. yes getting up any earlier than absolutely necessary still sucks. yes i'm still tired at the end of (and often earlier) the day, but i don't know that i'm any more tired that i was before i started exercising. i'm hoping that at some point i'll get the benefits of "added energy" and all that stuff fitness gurus spout off about. for the time being, i'll just hope i am doing something to prolong, or at least not shorten my life, and that i can prevent my gut from needed a second area code.

i'm off and running!

2006-03-28T10:32:00.000-07:00

we had decided that the exercise bike gets a bit monotonous. (ok, that's what my beautiful wife told me. i'd never used it enough to know...) anyway, we decided that a treadmill would be the best addition, and we earmarked part of the tax refund to that.

well after a lot of looking, one of the frontrunners in our search went on sale, so yesterday we picked it up. it was a lot of fun. i know that sounds silly, but think about it. my wonderful wife couldn't wait for the change of pace, and i was so looking forward to the "some assembly required" element. (it's a guy thing. like a puzzle, but you get to use tools!)

well, the treadmill is a wonder. it started working as soon as we got it home. we both got a good workout hauling it from the van to the basement!

later that night, after dinner, reading to the boys, and tucking them it, i gathered my tools and set off for the basement!

put on the music and let the party begin! it's a good one too! lots of little screws and washers, bolts and everything. this isn't just a phillips screwdriver job! i need a couple of wrenches, pliers, wire-cutters, etc.

without boring you with details, an hour or so later, it is whole and ready. we play with the various controls, and walk on it a bit. yes, this will certainly work the legs and get the heart pumping!

this is where the story takes a turn toward the unbelievable. i'm lying in my comfy warm bed this morning, and wonder what time it is. it's 5:50am. ten full minutes before my alarm will go off. why am i awake? what is going on? this isn't right!

can you guess what happened then? that's right. i went back to sleep. i'm not that crazy! (i know, what's so unbelievable about that? ok how about this?) i'm looking at my clock through bleary eyes when it turns to 6:00am, and the alarm goes off. but i don't hit snooze. i shut it off. i get up. (i kind of have to now, or i'll fall asleep with no alarm!)

well my body resists waking as i stumble downstairs. but soon enough, i'm walking a nice leisurely pace as the treadmill ramps up into the pre-programmed "course" i've selected. fifteen minutes later, i'm now running at six mph with sweat running down my face. this is good exercise! i'm feeling it. only another minute or two, and this program will take me back to a quick walk for another ten minutes or so, and then cool down.

what? why is it slowing down already? and so quickly? aw crap! i pulled the little safety key out and shut the sucker down. i was so enjoying the program i was on too! i had to finish out my walk in manual mode guessing about when to increase and decrease the spead based on the graphic representation of the program i was in the middle of.

despite my flash of anger and mistrust, i didn't take the safety key off. thoughts of my out of shape, early-waken, worn by running, legs giving out sending me to the floor to have my face sanded of by the running belt, prevented that. it will take some time to get a feel for running on a treadmill.

that's nothing to the feel of walking around the room when you first get off the treadmill! that was fun. my legs were a bit rubbery, but not as bad as i thought they'd be. time felt distorted, as though i was moving way to fast for the size of steps i was taking. the floor seemed to want to rise up to meet me, like i was leaning dangerously far forward. it wore off quickly, but it was kind of fun while it lasted.

on top of it all, i went upstairs, shaved, showered, got ready and caught my bus to work. this of course means two days in a row. it's not a personal record, but it is certainly a vast improvement over the past year or five.

it felt good too. good enough to know that i need some good running shoes. hopefully good enough to keep me going when i am really tired one morning...

one down...

2006-03-27T13:49:00.000-07:00

well, it's almost april, and i finally did something i've thought about and planned since new years. i got up early, did a little exercise and still had time to shave, shower, dress, and catch the bus to work.

it sounds silly, but it took a lot. we have a nice, comfy, bed, and i am not a morning person by choice. ok, maybe i am. i choose to stay employed by getting up earlier than i want and going to work!

i know reading about my exercise is easily as boring as the exercise itself, but i figured if i blogged it, then i'd have more motivation to continue this pattern.

sunday is a time for ...

2006-03-26T21:02:00.000-07:00

over-eating like mad, and still cramming desert down, even when it comes too soon afterward.

we've been home from grandma and grandpa's house for a couple of hours, and dinner was finished a couple of hours before we left.

i'm still full.

this is a great tribute to the joining of my near total lack of self restraint when good food is involved, and the wonderful cooking of my lovely wife's mother. then again, so is my rapidly expanding belly!

my wonderful wife is trying to help. she gave away almost all of the delicious cake she had made for desert. only a few pieces left. i might get one. our sugar-junkie boys will likely eat all they can.

i'm sure it's for the best. just like the exercise bike in the basement...

balance

2006-03-22T13:39:00.000-07:00

life is a constant balancing act.

you try to make a simple improvement, like say, insulating the garage door. the garage is warmer in the winter, cooler in the summer, that's good. it was a simple project using materials you already had, so that's a bonus. so how could this be bad in any way?

well, without realizing it, the minimal weight of the insulation, added to the door, has upset the deceptively delicate balance. the motor is working harder, and the gears are wearing out much faster.

despite the pure intentions, and positive benefits, the opener failed and will need repair. and to prevent this from happening again, the tension needs to be adjusted, bringing the system back into balance. yes, of course it's an extra expense, but it's worth not having to remove the insulation.

the expense is understandable, and fortunately comes on the heels of the tax refund. the rub is, seemingly out of the blue, the garage door fails to open when your lovely wife tries to take your son to school. it let you, who put it out of balance in the first place, leave for work just fine.

even when you do a small, simple improvement, it may have lasting consequences further down the road. these consequences are not necessarily bad. we have learned, and made further, albeit unexpected, improvements the the larger garage door system.

i don't really know where i'm going with this, i was just trying to find a way to not feel so bad about screwing up our garage door, and costing us money that we'd like to spend on other improvements.

i'm done complaining...

2006-03-21T22:21:00.000-07:00

...for now.

so after a craptastic "vacation," i was back to work yesterday. i quickly decided that my winter relapse wasn't so bad. i'm stubborn. so why the sudden change of attitude?

before i had even walked to my office, i learned that one of my co-worker's father had unexpectedly passed away over the weekend. as if that wasn't enough, it wasn't even half an hour before i found out that another co-worker had lost his nephew.

that kind of puts it in perspective doesn't it? i no longer felt like whining about my trivial losses.

death is interesting that way. i mean aside from the immediate saddness and suffereing, it has a way of putting our everyday worldly concerns in the light they should be. they are fleeting, temporary concerns. this naturally leads us to ponder what is lasting? is anything really eternal?

happily, both of my co-workers, and the bulk of their families understand the plan of salvation that our loving father in heaven prepared for us. they know that the family is a lasting, eternal bond. we're all grateful for the peace and confort this knowledge provides, even in the depth of pain and sorrow.

as always, when a death occurs nearby, thoughts turn to family. since it is the only enduring relationship, what else really matters? all the other activities, demands, and distractions, regardless of their value, properly take a back seat.

hopefully these experiences prompt a shift of focus, back to the things of more importance. even from good, to better. from the transitory and mortal, to the everlasting and undying.

in short, my missed vacation has definitely been over-shadowed by the time i was able to spend with the most important people in my life. all else fades, but we will be together throughout time and all eternity!

why is it so difficult!?!?

2006-03-15T21:16:00.000-07:00

why is it, you can plan a vacation, and get everything taken care of, but not be able to cope with staying home?

as you know from my previous posts, this week was to be a good old-fashioned family vacation. until winter decided to throw another fit. (or three). at first i was hopeful, that the weather would clear, and we could enjoy a shortened trip with a slightly delayed departure date. but the snow kept coming.

the dilema quickly became, do i go to work, or do we try to salvage some fun out of the week locally?

it seems like a simple enough question, but i'm not sure there is a correct answer...

since time off from work is now as difficult to come by as it ever has been for me, (i'm still getting used to my new responsibilities,) i decided not to go into work. "duh!" you're thinking! but what you don't realize is that when i'm home on a weekday with nothing planned, i throw off the routine of the house. it's bad enough with my five-year-old off track from school, now add me.

monday we wasted most of the day deciding what to do. but we did have an enjoyable night at the dinosaur museum. (see my wife's blog here for more about that.)

yesterday was still by and large, a waste. today was no better. since i don't want to go to work tomorrow, i now have the task of finding something to do. ordinarily, i have a decent list of fun things to do locally. unfortunately, most of them are outdoor, and require better weather than this sucktacular week has offered.

so it's back to the drawing board, as it were...

let's talk about the weather.

2006-03-14T10:13:00.000-07:00

a haiku:

dark, cold, ice, wind, snow
depressing, crappy, weather
i despise winter

i should have known it was too good to last! we haven't had a proper family vacation for years. granted we were able to enjoy some time in nauvoo illinois last summer, but as i was working most of the time...

things at work have somewhat settled in, and there are lulls during which i can take vacation. the new variable is that my five year old is now a kindergartener. his school is year-round. naturally, my knee-jerk reaction to this was what it had been when i was in school. "that sucks!" but now, i'm a working adult. i'm not a teacher, like both of my parents, so i now realize that the traditional summer vacation is over-rated!

the lesson du jour for us is coordinating my work schedule with five's school track schedule. i had a real break at work, but five was on-track. five goes off-track here, but i'll be swamped at work. etc. etc. etc.

finally he has a break that cooincides nicely with some down time for me. what to do? we have had glimpses of spring the last couple of weeks, so naturally our "spring fever" has reached the critical phase. we want to be outside! we want to go camping. (we can't afford to do much else...) it is still rather cool most days, and downright cold at night. what to do? where to go?

i start tracking weather in southern utah. if we went south, say to zion national park, they are occasionally hitting 70 degrees! it's almost always in the mid to upper 60's, and the overnight lows are tolerable. ok. this could be a plan!

enter the unpredictability of utah weather. just days before we have planned to leave, the extended forcast shows snow. statewide! we keep watching and waiting, hoping it will clear out soon enough. everyday, the extended forcast shows another storm, continued cold, and snow.

so here we are, a couple of days into our "vacation" and we're stuck at home. zion n.p. had a record 8+ inches of snow the day we were hoping to arrive there... of course, five goes back to school monday, and his next big break will be during a pretty busy time for me at work. hopefully we can get work things out for a few days. but for the next few months, we'll have to try little weekend activities.

so you can see there is no denying my feelings, since, once again, my loathing for winter is justified and further fueled.

two more years?!

2006-03-10T12:08:00.000-07:00

i guess i shouldn't complain. at least it is finally happening!

sorry. i am of course speaking of commuter rail along the wasatch front. what about it? i can't wait for it! that's what. after thirteen years of my wishing, finally there is some action. check out the Front Runner

by way of background, i am one of the thousands that work in salt lake city, but can't afford to live there. we live in outlying areas primarily to the north and south. (the wasatch front is much longer n/s that it is wide e/w.) how far outside downtown you live is by and large a function of your salary, versus the dramatically inflated housing costs.

anyway, thirteen years ago, i returned from living in japan. i spent nearly two years in the north end of tokyo and outlying areas to the north. i saw first hand the marvel that is the efficiency of the japanese rail system. the japanese can quite literally, set their watch by the trains.

shortly after i had returned home, and fallen back into my casual, car-driving, i began working in salt lake. my schedule at the time meant i never had to fight rush-hour traffic. with gas under a buck a gallon, i no longer considered the busses that took two or three times as long to get there. (express busses run during rush-hours, not my travel time.)

then, almost nine years ago, my new wife and i moved to new york city to work for a while. in many ways it took me back to japan. i rode the subway to work. i was reading books again. (i love to read, i just never found the time... but on the train...) i loved riding the train. plus the monthly transit pass was cheaper than my car insurance, let alone gas!

when we moved back to utah, and i began working "normal" hours, i quickly learned what rush-hour meant. since my wife and i both worked downtown, we rode in together, and occasionally had really bad traffic.

sidebar: for those who don't know, salt lake city is in the north end of a large valley. access to the valley from the north and south bottlenecks severely. (i mentioned how long and narrow the wasatch front was...) i-15 is the only thoroghfare on each end. if there is a wreck, or bad weather, the freeway backs up, and the few alternate, back roads, quickly fill beyond capacity, so there is no escape. (recently a bad snow and resultant crashes closed portions of the freeway, and there were people living by me who spend five hours getting home.)

anyway, about this time salt lake put light rail down the center of the valley, and seemed surprised how many people used it. i had always known that it would be a big success, and wished there was something like it for me...

later, after my five-year-old was born, mom stayed home, so i started going in to work alone. to save a little gas money, and to avoid stress on snowy days, i began taking the express bus. all together, it only took about 10 minutes longer than my drive. i didn't care because i saved a lot of gas money, and was reading again!

flash forward. after years of debate, including the legal debate that put the alternate highway project years behind schedule, commuter rail is under construction. i didn't care about the new highway, because with the growth rate in davis county, it wouldn't be enough for long, and even now, if it were available, a crash on it or i-15 would still fill the other, and back traffic up.

i wanted to ride a train to work again. how many times had i sat in traffic, barely moving, when i looked out the bus window to see freight trains flying past, wishing i was on it? at last, now i can look out the bus window and see construction progressing. in just about two years i should have my wish.

it looks like that in about five years, the rail system along the wasatch front will closely resemble maps i drew about seven years ago. i don't say this to brag. merely to show that even in the wide open spaces of the west, cars aren't always the answer.

i know this is kind of a boring, pointless ramble. if you couldn't tell, it took about 55 minutes longer than normal to get in to work this morning...

it's only a haircut...

2006-03-06T21:24:00.000-07:00

it just seemed like a much bigger deal!

to help you understand what i mean, you need to know that my two boys, five and two, have always had long hair. not like over the shoulder, mullet, or 80's rock star, just longer than most little boys. they have basically just had a bowl cut forever. you know, the hair looks like a brown bowl sitting on their heads. just above the eyes, covering the ears, and tilting back toward the shirt collar.

anyway, they both have such beautiful hair, it was fun to have lots of it to show. especially the two-year-old. he is blonde. the rest of us are varying shades of dark brown! we have a lot of great pictures of them jumping, or hanging upside down, etc. that really show the length!

we've talked several times about shortening it. particularly now that #1 is in kindergarten. we just haven't been able to bring ourselves to do it, because they're so cute! it is so fun to watch as they run and jump aroung.

anyway, kindergartener told mom he wanted his hair cut short, like daddy's. (daddy only has short hair because of the dress code at his job!) so we've spent the last day or two getting used to the idea, and realizing that he will be cute regardless. he will certainly fit in with his classmates more!

i don't know how much my longing for former days of longer locks play into it, but i still didn't like the idea. the hair is one of the most unique things about my boys. we get comments all the time about it. (almost always positive. grandma doesn't care for it, and he did recently get mistaken for a girl...) ok, maybe it is time to let this phase pass. after all, he will be six in a couple of months!

well i'd completely fogotten about this conversation at work, so imagine my surprise when five comes running to meet me when i got home from work! he looks so cute. so different! so much older... i knew i would miss his long hair, but i also knew how cute it would be to have this little schoolboy haircut too. it was a lot of fun.

but that's not the end of the story. i hear the clippers going, and come around the corner to see the finishing touches being put on two's haircut. oh no! not him too! we hadn't talked about that! i wasn't prepared! his hair was so much softer, blonder, and more beautiful! now it was all on the floor, and what was left was brown! i had to stifle a sob in my throat!

i was quickly distracted, however, by the hair on the floor. not just the amount, but the length of the trimmings! there was hair cut from five's head that was seriously six inches long! (and he's not bald, by any stretch!) that and the two distinct colors.

it will certainly take some getting used to. now that the initial shock is past, it will just be coming home from work the next few days, and going, "whoa, who are you?" don't get me wrong, they don't look bad. they are definitely still my wild boys. it seems pretty silly to get hung up on something like this. plus, it is kind of fun. i mean they're really cute, and now you can see their faces better. (oddly enough the same haircut made five's head look smaller, and two's look bigger...)

it's oscar time...

2006-03-05T21:49:00.000-07:00

big d's random thoughts

does anyone really care? how on earth do we take an awards show and turn it into an event like the superbowl? (another rant...) i mean, it's just a bunch of awards for films that most people don't usually care about.

it seems like every year there is more discussion about how political the awards are, and how disconnected with the movie-going audience the academy has become. even so, the oscar show is a bigger deal than it should be. if we would just get wise, and not watch, maybe it would stop being such an overblown thing.

if it wasn't such a big deal, maybe then the celebrities wouldn't feel so empowered (if not obligated) to tell us what we should study in school, how we should feel about politics, which charities we should support, what styles to embrace and how ridiculous morals and religious conviction are. if we ignored them, maybe they would be more concerned with learning what we want, instead of just telling us.

don't get me wrong. i love movies. i work in the arts, including film and video. i appreciate many of the movies that win awards, and have even liked some of them. i think it's worth putting up with all the crap movies that come out of the hollywood machine, in order to see the handful of intelligent, entertaining, thought-provoking movies that manage to get made alongside the others. after all, you don't have to watch the crap if you don't want to.

my whole life, i've only shut off a couple of movies because they were so stupid they weren't worth my time. honestly, with very little effort, you can tell which ones are worth seeing, and which ones look awful. just by watching the trailers, you can tell which movies are obviously not worth watching. if the trailer has lots of potty humor and cleavage, you can probably be sure that the script is less than well written.

with a little more effort you can wade through reviews. granted most critics are either as disconnected with audiences as hollywood, or are on the payroll of some production company. even so, once you've read a few reviews, especially by critics you're familiar with, you can pick enough information out, to know whether you're likely to enjoy a movie or not. it's certainly, more reliable than just watching trailers.

i know. taking responsibility for what you watch is a crazy idea. still it's better than wasting money on crap because the studio assured you through advertising that it was the "must-see movie of the year." it is the best advice, especially if you're like me, and seem to like movies that most people hate, and hate movies most people love.

enjoy what you like, ignore what you don't. don't let the establishment tell you what is good. don't let critics tell you what is bad. but most of all, don't let the entertainment industries (film, tv, music) tell you what to think. do the research, and make an informed decision. they only have as much influence as we give them.

it's about time!

2006-03-03T09:33:00.000-07:00

big d's random thoughts

of course i'm referring to friday. why is it, that fridays can never come fast enough? this week was a four-day week for me, (with my sick day monday) yet it still seemed to drag on. granted i was sick, and most of the week, i felt like i'd been rode hard and put away wet. now i'm having a hard time keeping my eyes open. anyway, the point is, even during weeks when a holiday knocks a day or two off, the friday seems elusive.

if you read my post about mondays, you will understand what i now say about fridays. if there is a holiday on a friday, then thursday becomes friday, and it still seems to be very slow in coming.

some will no doubt say that the anticipation skews your perception of time. "a watched pot never boils," and all that rubbish. i think it is much deeper and more sinister than that! think about it. regardless of what you are looking forward to, or fearing, or whatever, time doesn't seem to be a constant. there is something about time that fluctuates.

what if it could be manipulated? like time-travel, but simpler. i don't know if we will ever travel through time, because i can't understand how you could get the three basic dimensions to stay in tact relative to each other, while moving along the fourth dimension. (i suspect there are additional dimensions that come in to play here, but that's another post...) still, they say it is theoretically possible.

how about just adjusting that fourth dimension a little. speeding up, or slowing down "time" just a bit. i know that presents the same basic problem "time-travel" does, but it doesn't seem quite as difficult. doesn't "theoretically possible" technologically speaking, mean "we haven't been able to do it yet, but we have had some limited success?"

where does the most advanced technology come from? whether or not there is alien influence, the fact is that it comes from the military. think about it. time-travel would be the single most effective military weapon. and the most dangerous. there have been movies and everything, about today's weapons being used in the recent past to dramatically change the outcome of past wars.
anyway, without this turning into an entirely different subject, while the military would naturally be interested in time-travel, the ability to speed-up or slow-down time would be less useful.

sure, slow down time a bit, so soldiers can react better. how often do they say gun battles seem to happen in slow motion? what if they did? what if our soldiers weren't slowed, but everything else seemed to? that would be an advantage. think about our war on terror. casualties almost always result from hidden bombs. there are almost no casualties from shoot-outs.

now, how does the military fund all this research? granted the defense budget is enormous, and they obviously don't really pay $150 for a toilet seat. still, if research is expensive, testing and development is even more so. what's the answer? you sell the technology.

it's like the pharmaceutical companies (another rant, another day). they pay for r&d with income from existing drugs. it's simple. think of the possibilities. velcro pays for stealth technology. laser rangefinding tools pay for night vision. gps navigation pays for time travel?

it's common knowledge that the commercial gadgets we buy are ten to twenty years behind the military's development. which is fine. i like it that our defenders have more advanced tools than anyone else. anyway, what if our current war was so expensive, that the military had to sell technology earlier than usual? what if they were selling unfinished technology? think about it...

corporate america. how much would they pay the government if time were manipulated in their favor? maybe that's the real reason time at work seems much slower than time off. it's a huge coup! we go to work and put in our eight hours for our eight hours of pay, but we're there for the equivalent of ten or twelve hours! we're working more than we realize, or are being paid for!

how else can big companies save money by reducing the workforce? fewer people do the same work load in the same time? impossible. we do the same workload by working the same amount of relative time, while the clocks only show the usual eight hours!

you know i'm onto something don't you? it all makes sense. it doesn't sound that far-fetched, and moreover, it feels real! i think i'm onto something. certainly, if the government could do something like this, corporate america would do something like this!

read well, and spread the word quickly. it may not be long before they pull my blog, or send the black helicopters for me...

baking soda: wonder drug!

2006-03-01T11:13:00.000-07:00

big d's random thoughts

so after a sick day, i went back to work yesterday. yes, i still have the same crap. while i still have nasal congestion, it's mainly in my chest now, so i'm to the fun stage of coughing and hacking up dark green phlegm. ew! it totally sucks.

anyway, last night, i took an expectorant, since it had been very helpful recently. i guess i had too much phlegm and mucus to deal with last night. i couldn't sleep for all the coughing. on top of that, i was getting heartburn. i don't know if it was the chips and salsa, or the guck running down my throat as i lay there.

it was quite the night. i was expelling stuff like crazy. i honestly used every available exit between 11pm and 3am.

after a few trips to blow my nose and hack up internal organs, i just put a bucket by my bed. then i started making trips to each bathroom in the house looking for antacids. in addition to the search, i would cough and spit, and blow my nose at every visit. i think i peed on most every visit too. (yes i even defecated. i told you it was every exit.)

no luck. no antacids. no sleep. sometime around 2:45am, one of my noisier bathroom trips woke up my wife. she informed me that there were no antacids in the house, but i could use baking soda. duh. why hadn't i thought of that. i knew that was one of it's million uses. i had seen my dad use it a lot. i guess that's another reason to marry. another brain that works differently than your own can be very helpful. especially in the middle of the night.

now let me defend my actions thusly. i have never really had a problem with heartburn. it has been a minor, very infrequent thing. i don't know that i have ever even eaten antacids. (part pride, part bad memory i'm sure). naturally, i didn't know there was any kind of recipe for drinking baking soda! but i was desperate. i was tired.

you see where this is going don't you? i stumble downstairs to the kitchen (for like the fourth time tonight) and grab the baking soda. i can't see anything on the box about heartburn relief, so i use my own best judgment. my inexperienced, uninformed, sleep deprived, judgment. i get a cup, dump a little baking soda in it, add a little water, and swish it around.

drum roll please? that's right i then slug down a couple swallows of disgusting sludge. i don't remember baking soda tasting so awful. (no i have never ingested it, other than applying it to cankers). anyway, immediately after choking down this nasty slurry, the burping begins. there's this odd rumble in my belly. more burping. increasing in frequency. becoming foamy. i think i'd better go near a toilet. (no, i don't feel at all nauseous, just like the foam may increase too quickly). more burping. not always foamy. augh! what is that growing discomfort in my bowels? i don't think i can contain it. oh, look the toilet is waiting.

exactly. i chucked! then i puked a few times. then i barfed. then i threw up. i'm not using my thesaurus, i just experience a variety of vomit. then i was all cleaned out. all that was left was the desperate need to brush my teeth. i blew my nose thoroughly, and practically ran for my toothbrush. i could practically feel the acid dissolving my teeth.

brush, brush, brush. oh, that feels so much better. mmmm, that tastes sooo much better! i think i'll gargle some mouthwash just to be safe, and to wash out the back of my throat.

much better. what do you know? baking soda got rid of my heartburn!

the odd thing was, i now felt perfectly normal. my stomach didn't hurt. i wasn't weak and shaky. i didn't have any of the little discomforts that typically follow a good spew session. plus, whether my mouth had stopped watering because my heartburn was gone, or the expectorant had worn off, my mucus and phlegm production had virtually ceased, and so had my coughing! it's a baking soda miracle! i climbed back in bed, and felt very comfortable, and ready for sleep.

but... it doesn't end there. you see, i'm not exactly quiet when i hurl, and even from the basement bathroom, there is no question to my wife what had happened. i assure her i was fine. i felt great. just tired, but now i could actually sleep. i explained what had happened. i didn't get the sympathetic understanding you typically get after upchucking. in fact my wife, who until very recently had been sleeping quite soundly, sounded quite awake as she proceeded to laugh at me!

especially after she explained the whole teaspoon of baking soda in a cup of water thing as if everyone on earth knew how you were supposed to use it! yes, she really laughed when i described the sloppy baking soda mud i forced down. she kept laughing, calling me "mount vesuvious," and referencing the science fair volcano's frothing out their baking soda and vinegar. i could see a little humor at that point, but i didn't think it was that funny. i mean, really.

oh well. i didn't particularly care, because i was feeling so much better. in fact from about 3:20am on, i slept great! so next time you're having trouble sleeping, or enduring heartburn, remember the little box of cure-all in your kitchen!

slow learner

2006-02-27T21:09:00.000-07:00

big d's random thoughts

so after my previous post, what would you expect the next natural step to be? i mean, after my stellar experience, isn't it obvious what i would do next?

wrong!

i went out and bought roller blades for my five year-old and two year-old! see? i told you it made perfect sense. i mean mom and dad already had blades. of course saturday night was the first time mom's had been used in several years. (i'm still looking for mine.) i'm sure you can follow my logic now! mom and dad were never very good at skating, in fact haven't even tried in years, so the perfect progression is to get some for the kids...

actually, the part that does make sense, was the fact that i alwo purchased knee pads for the kids, and knee and wrist guards for mom and dad. we already have helmets, so after the next pay day we'll only have to keep an eye out for elbow pads, leather gloves, butt pads, safety goggles, shin guards, shoulder pads, ace bandages, crutches, ibuprofen...

of course it is still too cold and wet to do much with our new gear. i guess that buys me some time to come to my senses.

i'll let my guard down and admit that this is all about my pride. see, instead of trying to get my kids to do what i never could, i'm trying to use them as an excuse to try again. while i wasn't any good at it, i want to be. it looks fun... you think i'd learn from this. after all, "pride cometh before the fall."

the danger of the olympics

2006-02-26T21:13:00.000-07:00

big d's random thoughts

the winter games in torino went according to my standard olympic habits. i look forward to the olympics every two years. for whatever reason, i don't actually start watching the games until a few days in. then i get into it, and don't want to watch much else. (the obvious exception was 2002 in salt lake. you can't help but be into it from start to finish when it's your olympics. it was fun seeing all the media coverage of things happening in your backyard!)

anyway, much of the coverage i have seen this year, is of the various speed skating and figure skating. last night was a neighborhood party at the local roller rink. you can probably guess what followed. that's right. me, on my backside!

now, i am no athlete. i'm not incredibly coordinated. i'm not even in great shape. but, you know how it goes. your kids are wanting to try it, and you remember having fun in younger years, so...

quick note. things are almost opposite what you'd think. roller skates are much worse than roller blades! you'd think four corners is better than a straight line. what you don't realize, is that you have two feet, so you can control your side to side tipping easier. unlike the long roller blades, the wheels are both well under your feet, so your front to back tipping is the concern. its like learning to stand on feet that are suddenly four sizes too small, and that are on wheels. long story short, roller blades, ice skates, (figure or hockey) banana peels, are all much easier to stay upright on than roller skates.

anyway, even after the kids are bored and off the rink, dad feels like he needs to make at least a few laps, just to feel like he can at least do something he used to do. (not well. ever.) i can usually ice skate without ever falling. i still don't turn really well, and i've never been able to stop quickly! but i want to be able to, so i keep practicing.

so as the story goes, my downfall isn't some great olympic attempt at speed, or some kind of trick. it came from not wanting to kill the little kid that blindly cut right in front of me. that's right, as you can imagine, in a rink full of kids of all ages, on every kind of wheeled device imaginable, the danger was inevitable. so a two or three year-old boy on a small three-wheeled scooter basically makes a wide u-turn right in front of me. (you recall my inability to turn sharp, or stop fast.) that's right, my awkward attempt resulted in the kid having no clue that anything had happened, me landing on by butt and right elbow. hard. after waving off the appologies of his mother, i made another lap, purely out of pride, and then returned my deathtrap skates to the counter.

so in the end, i didn't have protruding bone, or flowing blood, or any of the other things this kind of pain had me imagining. i had nice floor-burn slightly larger than a quarter. it had to be worse than that. didn't it?

well the day after is always worse. my elbow still hurts like crazy when i bump something, or flex it completely. the sad thing is the myriad of other muscles i am now keenly aware of. yes, i am out of shape, and i need to do something about that, but haven't i just proved that fat old men shouldn't exercise. therein lies my dilemma. i guess until i figure this out, i'll just add these pains to those of my sickness (see previous posts) like the pain in my back from coughing so much, and have myself a good old-fashioned pity party.

i found something worse.

2006-02-23T13:48:00.000-07:00

big d's random thoughts

so, as mentioned in my previous post, having your entire family sick at the same time really sucks. as does winter. anyway, it has escalated again. the five year-old is still coughing, but otherwise seems fine. the two year-old throws up on occasion, and is still grumpy and intermitently fevered. i am still stuffy and tired, but better that yesterday.

mom, on the otherhand is worse. she has strep. for the third time since christmas! that's right. barely two months after getting if for the first time in her life, she has it for a third time! crazy right? what could that mean? well, this is where it continues to grow. if strep comes back after the uber expensive, fancy shmancy, super rx given this time around... surgery.

that's right! the medical establishment's solution to everything: cut something out/off. (sorry. another rant for another time.) so, it appears that tonsils harbor the strep. naturally, we're all a bit upset right now.

i guess for the time being, we'll just hope the spendy wonder-drug works, and everyone can get healthy again. i'm not too proud to beg, so any prayers you want to offer, would be appreciated.

what's worse than being sick?

2006-02-22T11:39:00.000-07:00

big d's random thoughts

it's that time of the year. still.

winter, that unholy time of year that brings a plethora of sickness, and precious little else. seriously, in utah winter is like five months of cold, wet, dark misery. what do we get to show for it? snow? it's pretty for a few days. thanksgiving? christmas? not enough. we could have these in warmth just fine. ok every four years we get the winter olympics. that's pretty cool, but that's just over two weeks! why do we need to suffer for months?

ok, sorry, back on subject: if you hadn't guessed by this post, i'm sick. nothing big, just a sinus cold that sucks! just one of the standard things that winter routinely throws at you. but, i digress...

you know the one. you're tired, and your nose is only slightly stuffy, but the back of your sinus feels like you got a lump of play doh just hanging off the back edge of your palate, and you can't get it out in any direction. of course nine times out of ten, your sinus tends to fill and congest and press until you have the sinus headache. (the one where you have a lead baseball just behind your nose.)

i didn't really start this post to wallow in self-pity. i asked what is worse than being sick? obviously, there are a lot of things, including the popular death, tax audit, transmission failure, etc. specifically, i meant that the only thing worse than being sick, is seeding someone you love sick.

so, naturally, the sickness coup-de-gras is the simultaneous sickness of the entire family! that's right, mom has a sore throat to go with nausea and exhaustion. dad has a sinus headache with post-nasal dangle. (a drip i could deal with.) the five year-old has a hacking cough, and the two year-old has a goopy nose and case of the clingy-tired-grumps.

now you know. if you're sick, i feel for you. if your loved one(s) is(are) sick, i know your sorrow. if your whole family is sick, i understand. join me in wishing for a rapid, warm spring, with no relapses. if you don't suffer such a winter in your area, be grateful. if you like winter weather, you're not welcome here! please seek professional help.

big d's random thoughts

2006-02-21T09:13:00.000-07:00

big d's random thoughts

the calendar says tuesday, but it's a monday. regardless of the actual day of the week, the first day back at work after any holiday or day off, is a monday. the meeting schedule may differ somewhat, and the routine may vary slightly, but the feel is all monday!

the only exception is when the first day back is also the only day that week. luckily, the feel of a friday can overpower that of a monday. unfortunately, this is much less frequent.

of course even with a monday on a tuesday, a four day week is still better than a five day week! plus, the real friday seems get there quicker. usually.

the worst is when your internal clock gets screwed up for no apparent reason, and your real tuesday feels like a thursday, cause then the rest of your week just drags!

all this being said, if you got presidents' day off, you'll get through this "monday" and enjoy a short week. if you didn't get the holiday, well, you're already on tuesday, so your week shouldn't be much different that any other. although you may want to protest the anti-american undercurrent at your place of employment. (responsibly, not violently!)

and so it begins...

2006-02-20T21:21:00.000-07:00

well, since we're now six years into the twenty-first century, i guess i can finally get a blog.

everyone seems to have one now days, and i'd hate to be out-of-touch. plus, now i can bore people all over the world!

big d's random thoughts

A is for...

In Memoriam...

Technology that can replace a fridge?

An Epiphany!

Our Wasatch Back or Father & Sons Campout 2.0

Happy Birthday Harry!

well, normally he wouldn't be a kindergartener...

welcome to the future!

i am alive...

how's that ark coming?

a carnival is elementary fun!

sentimentally yours

10 things that make me happy.

the first day of school

the last day of summer

a late report of a great day

meemer is my hero!

i can't run fast enough...

fiscal irresponsibility

it may be lame, but it's a post!

weekend update

it's sad when a mother cries...

a walk on the wild side!

good air!

happy valentine's day!

praise to the man!

third time's the charm!

what a waste!

the good, the bad, and the boring

winter sucks top 10

they say it's your birthday!

finally!

transitions

dairy? no problem!

nascar... for runners

not a bad november

thanksgiving, a couple of days late.

see d run...

if you love ssssomething, sssset it free!

halloween = puking?

latest on the baby

already!?!

my favorite decade

we should all have so much fun!

another video update

more video fun

video update

absolute insanity!

a brave new frontier!

the third time is just as amazing as the first!

my three sons

is it just a phase, or is it paranoia?

9 years, and counting

dum, dum-dum, dum, dumb!

it's croup-tastic!

just hours away!!!

e-postcards from the nauvoo pageant

lonely already!

excuses, excuses...

finally! he's three! (already?!?)

hippie power!

happy mother's day!

tee time for big h

"i was happy..."

i gotta get away!

i'm back, and i feel great!

tag! i'm it...

"waiting is the hardest part..."

growing pains...

...and the first shall be last.

i'm back. (with some help)

what once was lost, now is wet.

i'm lost!!!

how many times did batman fall?

"don't try to beat time"

i think i pulled something!

i'm off and running!

one down...

sunday is a time for ...